this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
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Lemmy Be Wholesome

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Welcome to Lemmy Be Wholesome. This is the polar opposite of LemmeShitpost. Here you can post wholesome memes, palate cleanser and good vibes.

The home to heal your soul. No bleak-posting!

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[–] oleorun@real.lemmy.fan 185 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I kid, I kid - very sweet and adorable.

[–] SadSadSatellite@lemmy.dbzer0.com 118 points 6 months ago (3 children)

My partner and I are like this. We've been together for 14 years and are legit best friends.

I have a feeling too many people paired off right away and decided their first serious relationship was the one, and never actually found an equal. Maybe they married more out of fear of being alone rather than actual desire, or they just can't tell the difference between sexual novelty and love.

Even a lot of my married friends start identifying more with boomer humor than romance after 2 or 3 years. Way too many communication issue, or ideas of traditional roles or how things 'should be' leading to resentment or exasperation.

Court long and marry late. And don't hide your real self when dating.

[–] neo@lemy.lol 24 points 6 months ago

I'm sorry, but you suck...
hard...
at being...
a sad, sad satellite. 🛰️

I'm glad for you :)

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[–] tfw_no_toiletpaper@lemmy.world 96 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Everyone happier than me should perish

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 91 points 6 months ago (7 children)

After 24 years of marriage, my wife... seems to find me acceptable.

[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 10 points 6 months ago

I do too. Most people don't find me acceptable.

I constantly ask my wife... "Bruh are you sure?"

[–] oce@jlai.lu 10 points 6 months ago

I find you very acceptable.

[–] uis@lemm.ee 10 points 6 months ago
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[–] BradleyUffner@lemmy.world 71 points 6 months ago (2 children)

He sounds pretty cool. Do you know if he's seeing anyone right now, like in a serious way?

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[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 71 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Exactly how I feel about my wife.

[–] Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works 29 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 43 points 6 months ago (7 children)

I feel the same about his wife too!

[–] SoGrumpy@lemmy.ml 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Stop that right now! We can't have that starting up again!

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[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 55 points 6 months ago
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 48 points 6 months ago (14 children)

If I can quote a thing: happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you've got.

Points to anyone who can name the source without using Google.

[–] Ulvain@sh.itjust.works 12 points 6 months ago (2 children)
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[–] yannic@lemmy.ca 46 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (7 children)

That's limerence.

A more stable relationship is when feelings crystalize, but until then, there's limerence. Two-way limerent relationships are as unstable as a bottle of undiluted nitroglycerin. In any case, limerent relationships are quite common, and are the stuff of music, art, and poetry.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 6 months ago (9 children)

Limerence eh? Well ok.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

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[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 13 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

This read just like the stuff that a girl with BPD would write about me haha.

How y’all think that went for me?

Oh and I’ve never heard that word. Thank you.

Edit: You’ve sent me down a rabbit hole.

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[–] Tryptaminev@lemm.ee 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

A central feature of limerence for Tennov was the fact that her participants really saw the object of their affection's personal flaws, but simply overlooked them or found them attractive.[32][28] Tennov calls this "crystallization", after a description by Stendhal in his 1821 treatise On Love. This "crystallized" version of a love object, with accentuated features, is what Tennov calls a "limerent object", or "LO".[33]

For Tennov, sexual desire is an essential aspect of limerence[34] but the desire for emotional commitment is greater.[35] The sexual desires of Tennov's interviewees were overshadowed by their desire for their beloved to contact them, invite them out and reciprocate their passion.[30]

Limerence can be difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it, and it is thus often derided and dismissed as undesirable, some kind of pathology, ridiculous fantasy or a construct of romantic fiction.[36]

The wiki page you linked is saying kind of the opposite about crystalization then what you are saying.

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[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 35 points 6 months ago

She's actually in a court room and he's filing a restraining order

[–] hostops@sh.itjust.works 35 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I could not agree more about my wife! She is totally awesome and I really love spending time with her. We are constantly goofing arround. I had a crush on her since we have been 14 and started dating. Now 10 years together we are married and got our first kid. I could not be happier.

She is just changing diapers right now and I am thinking how lucky I am to have her.

I also believe actively trying to have positive/wholesome view on a world helps a lot.

This is why I really like this community.

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 10 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Awwww thank you so much for sharing this! Just made my day (well, technically night) a lot better!

I can't even begin to imagine being able to marry someone u crushed on SINCE U WERE 14, while them being so nice! So happy for ya!

She is just changing diapers right now

Oof, that's one thing I'm a little scared of dealing with when I become a dad lol

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[–] AnalogyAddict@lemmy.world 28 points 6 months ago

This warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart.

[–] rwhitisissle@lemy.lol 26 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (11 children)

Cute. I don't believe any part of this, but it's cute.

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 18 points 6 months ago (4 children)

Like Abe Lincoln always said, take anything you see written online with a grain of salt and, until you see conclusive evidence otherwise, assume it’s a creative writing exercise.

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[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (5 children)

I am an irascible fool. I’ve spent the majority of the last decade in various stages of depression. I’m overweight, often disheveled, long winded, and ramble about deeply irrelevant technology topics, or unsolvable and depressing political issues. I’m kind of a miser, I never think about fun, and I don’t generally like people. I’m opinionated, judgmental, and quick to speak my mind.

My wife is so beautiful that last week while walking the dogs, some guy circled the block to rev up his engine and take off in front of her while him and his passenger stared at her, engine roaring, running a stop sign in the process and coming within a foot or two of clipping another vehicle that did not have a stop sign. Yesterday, some teenager on a moped nearly fell off trying to awkwardly spin around a roundabout so he could “sneak” another glance at her. Early on in our relationship, we went to a professional networking event, and a man who was supposed to be an HR rep waited for her to go to the restroom so he could tell me how beautiful she was. Three years ago, a friend of a friend asked us for a threesome at a party, and her words to my wife were “I just want to please you and serve you.” She didn’t even look at me. (We didn’t go for it. She smokes.)

My wife is so annoying.
Last week I was trying to get dressed for work and she bum-rushed me for a hug while I was trying to button my pants. And my dumb ass got annoyed about it. She routinely tells me she thinks I’m beautiful, and very charming. She will sometimes just lean around a corner to look at me and squeal. She literally just walked into my office to rub my chest and tell me I’m a babe (like 30 seconds ago). She tells me at least once a week that she gets butterflies around me. She’s giddy and giggly to see me. She’ll text me to tell me she misses me when I’m out of the house for more than 30 minutes. She writes me love letters. (I write her love letters too, I’m not that awful.) She takes pictures of me all the time. There’s a whole album of photos of me that I sometimes just catch her looking at. If I send her a voice memo, she saves it so she can listen to my voice later.
My wife is the best.

Some people just love their partners in expressive and visceral ways, even if their partners are just Monument, a weird and flawed human. But I do my best, and I won’t ever quit.

[–] rwhitisissle@lemy.lol 15 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Cute. I don’t believe any part of this, but it’s cute.

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[–] s38b35M5@lemmy.world 24 points 6 months ago (3 children)

And here I am, divorced and never marrying again, lucky to be dating the same girl for eight years. And then there's that one day every few years where she runs out of her meds and begins believing I'm plotting against her when I ask how her mom is doing that I think, "I'm super glad I didn't get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days."

That's love. Staying with someone, not because you're married and a divorce is a huge legal hassle, but because they haven't freaked all the way the fuck out yet.

PS, make friends with your pharmacist, fellow BPSOs. Make sure they keep those mood stabilizers and antipsychotic in stock.

[–] snooggums@midwest.social 45 points 6 months ago (2 children)

“I’m super glad I didn’t get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days.”

I'm glad you didn't get remarried too.

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[–] Tyfud@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

FWIW, I never thought I'd remarry either.

It could happen if you meet the right person and want to share your life with them. Took us close to 8 years of dating before we got married.

Super small wedding, total of 7 people invited. I kept waiting for the "other shoe to drop" with her, but it never did, and then I realized she's the real deal, and I could commit with her without some dark side of her personality showing up or her getting run off to the hills with my issues.

Anyhow, maybe it doesn't work for you, and it sounds like maybe not with your current GF with the mental health issues.

Wishing you guys all the best regardless, just wanted to let you know I was pretty much in the same camp until a couple years ago after my previous marriage ended almost 15 years ago.

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[–] AquaTofana@lemmy.world 20 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I go through phases of this with my husband. We've been married for 13 years, and he is legit my best friend, and I find him to be just unbelievably hot af. I'll go weeks where I'm just like "goddamn, this is mine?"

And then I also go through less intense periods. He's still my partner through life and I'd get his back through anything and everything, but it's less "omg you're so hot" googly eyes and more like "this is the life we've built together and I'm so glad I did it with you".

But then a few weeks later I'm in crush mode.

Obligatory of course we have our periods where we annoy the fuck out of each other, but it's usually short-lived and we communicate and work through it. I think that's just a realistic fact of marriage.

He has made me such a better person than I was when I met him though. I think about that constantly.

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[–] EmperorHenry@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 6 months ago

That's truly wholesome

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I love being near my husband. He's warm and soft and smart and likes talking to me about random fun things we both enjoy (video games, movies, YouTube videos)

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[–] r@piefed.social 11 points 6 months ago

I wish I will one day have a partner that makes me feel this.

[–] Steak@lemmy.ca 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Lol idk that seems beautiful and whatnot but not very realistic.

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[–] clark@midwest.social 9 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

That’s why I can’t imagine not* being friends with someone before entering a relationship with them. People who look for romance right off the bat are setting themselves up for failure.

[–] realbadat@programming.dev 9 points 6 months ago

I think you a whole word there.

Though I think you can have romance at the start and friendship together personally.

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[–] archonet@lemy.lol 9 points 6 months ago

well, I'm glad someone out there has what I don't, at least it exists

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