this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 140 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 99 points 3 months ago (2 children)

"Good for you, but what does that have to do with the job?"

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[–] pocopene@lemmy.world 63 points 3 months ago

Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"

[–] Nomecks@lemmy.ca 57 points 3 months ago (2 children)

A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

E tu, brute?

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 5 points 2 months ago

Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender

[–] AnarchoSnowPlow@midwest.social 54 points 3 months ago
[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 45 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 13 points 2 months ago

I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.

[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 41 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.

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[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 40 points 3 months ago

“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 34 points 2 months ago

Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 32 points 3 months ago

“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”

[–] LouNeko@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago
[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago

"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five

[–] StinkySocialist@lemmy.ml 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"me too"

Final answer

[–] Zementid@feddit.nl 20 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.

With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]

[–] zloubida@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago (14 children)

And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!

It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.

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[–] cpw@lemmy.ca 19 points 2 months ago

So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 19 points 2 months ago

Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.

[–] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 18 points 3 months ago

Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

“Sounds like we have something in common.”

[–] No1@aussie.zone 17 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"

Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago

Or "noted" or just "ok"

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.

[–] BallsandBayonets@lemmings.world 18 points 3 months ago

Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.

[–] mriormro@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 2 months ago

You need to say it slowly. "Okaaaay"

Maximum devastation

[–] redisdead@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

"I wasn't interested"

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 3 months ago
[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 months ago

This is infinitely funnier if OP is a woman

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 14 points 3 months ago

It's time for anon to drop the classic dad joke

[–] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 13 points 3 months ago
[–] Mechaguana@programming.dev 11 points 3 months ago

What's your best pickup line?

[–] unreachable@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 months ago

"Well damn! Scissor me timber girl! Let's duck under the table and 69!"

[–] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 months ago

"Don't flatter yourself"

[–] Alpha71@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's..."

[–] 01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 7 points 2 months ago

"Hi Lesbian, I'm Moss"

[–] match@pawb.social 6 points 2 months ago
[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 months ago

Let's compare notes then!

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

"Oh, that makes sense."

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 4 points 2 months ago
[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

If this is the US, straight to HR. 🤑

[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"Me too, let's make out and adopt a pit bull"

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[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 4 points 2 months ago

"THAT JUST MEANS SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE"

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