Grab the "2 random pills" and the "duplicate anything you own once" pill. Duplicate the "2 random pills" pill with the duplicate pill and eat both "2 random pills" pill and have 4 absolutely random abilities.

Hopefully it's pure chaos

Who thought pale yellow was the right colour, to use on a white background?

Take showbox pill, order box full of all pill on picture. Take duplicate pill.

Duplicate shoebox. Take duplicate pill from shoebox. Repeat until satisfied.

I am gonna be real with you guys

• get 10% more sleep per sleep

And

• both nostrils always work

Is this what getting older does to me?

I'll take the shoebox(full of perfect diamonds, thanks xkcd!) and just for fun, the almost 10k calories of cheese for added wealth, opulence, and because I really love cheese. Some cheeses are worth hundreds of dollars a pound.

So I did the napkin math, if you pick two random pills and two random pills, there's a 19.05% chance to get something objectively bad, a 28.57% chance of getting something useless, and a 52.38% chance of getting something objectively good for a total 80.95% chance to get something not bad. Assuming infinite loops are banned and you don't have a genuine interest in a given pill, 4 random pills is the best call.

There's also a 2.27% chance of getting 2 random pills on each of those 4 tries.

I'm taking the collapse civilisation, twice

get π million dollars and get +3 on all charm. This would actually help me dramatically.

Your average shoebox is 35X23.5X13.5 cm, or 11103.75 cubic centimeters. The density of gold is 19.3 g/cm^3. You can fit 11103.75X19.3 = 214302 grams of gold in a shoebox. One gram of gold right now is $77.78 US. That's 214302X77.78 = over 16.5 million US. There are things significantly more valuable (but not more fungible) than gold, too. The Pi million pill is completely moot. Or just take both, I guess.

I don't feel like reading all that. I'll take the black one twice. Let's see...

1. Change amount of fingers at any time
2. Hear plants talk by looking at them
3. Chocolate has all vitamins and minerals I need
4. Urinate gasoline

I think I can live with that. If the plants get too noisy, I can always piss on them and light them on fire.

The shoebox full of gold would be worth around $12M at current prices.

(First Google result for size of a shoebox: https://store.usps.com/store/product/shipping-supplies/priority-mail-shoe-box-P_0_SHOEBOX

I just rounded down the measurements for a quick and dirty estimate of the internal volume.)

The downside is that would be 341 pounds of gold so maybe specify for it to be in bars instead of a solid block.

• Teleporting Dr. Pepper can, so I can off tyrants, right wing nuts and dictators every 14.5h by summoning them inside their heads.

• Not getting cancer sounds cool too

The 3 million dollar one and immunity to cancer.

Immune to venom and urinate gasoline. When I tell my doctor it burns when I pee, I want to mean it. Also, I figure something like that would send spiderman after me.

I'll take the shoebox filled with these pills. They have to be real, because I couldn't get my box without them.

I'll take the strawberry flavored one because I like strawberry. Then I'll get the shoebox, and completely fill it with the pill that gives you $3,414,592.65. Then I'd throw a bunch of them in a blender and make a little smoothie that will make me a billionaire. There's probably enough pills to do that a couple of times.

Control a single milliliter of water. That one effectively gives me like 85% of the others.. water molecule nanobots.

Then I guess the money one so I'm not rushed.

Death Note at home: Summon Dr pepper can anywhere every 14.5 hours, summon them directly into the brains of my enemies.

Both nostrils work all the time: I'd take this twice if it meant it worked twice as good.

The course sand pocket would be pretty great. Unlimited free sand. I could run an empire.

Immune to Cancer and Grapes.

The grapes are basically free income if I can just plant them half-assed and they always turn out. There is even the implication that they don't need fertilizer or other associated costs.

3.14 million and the answer to the question of the best stock to invest in for a 5 year return.

I'll take two shoeboxes filled with gold. With a size of 35x25x13cm it'll be 11,375cm³ which can contain 219.77kg of gold worth €15,519,086. That's €31,038,172 for two shoeboxes. I think I'll be able to make a good early retirement on that.

I'll take the money and kill a person

control body temperature

My own body, or any body I want? And how liberally can I use the word "body" here? Do bodies of water count? How about celestial bodies?

groundhog day. I want to spend as much time with my kids as I can and I need a break from work.

Honestly? I don't even know if the wacky shit is necessary. The money pill and the 10% extra rest per sleep is just fine by me.

ez

"strawberry flavor" and "tastes good"

Shoebox filled with ketamine... and then a shoebox filled with ketamine.