this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2023
832 points (95.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

27193 readers
4068 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Thanks for joining me today! I'm here at the Reddit corporate parking lot, spot 269 (nice!), and ~~being assisted today by Victoria~~ all by myself because friends only tie down your ambitions.

Founded in 1978 as a men's discount shoe store on the west side of Philadelphia (born and raised), Reddit has, despite our best efforts, experienced an unprecedented explosion in popularity in the past decade. As of this morning, we are now home to over 16.5 million subscribers, of which a good 11% are associated with human beings, creating over 13 original posts each and every week!

As a business, our primary goal has been maintaining this platform at the expense of our users. As a result, we recently made the decision to acquire one of our upcoming competitors, Lemmy. This sale finalized as of Sunday, July 2nd, for a price that will not be disclosed because our VCs might be reading this.

Effectively immediately, we have enacted a few new featifits (a benefit and a feature combined) that will ~~hopefully pay for the new sous chef~~ will benefeat the Lemmy community. These include:

  • A newly revamped federation system that will allow Reddit posts to be viewed on Lemmy. This will be limited to one randomly selected subreddits every month, as chosen by myself, and I've been pretty much into cat girls this year, so they'll probably be cat girl-related
  • A unique new post sorting algorithm that compliments the above, boosting all posts that do, possibly may, or will feature cat girls after I have edited them
  • 500 Spezbux that can be redeemed for Speztokens at any point
  • An unshakable sense of dread about the future course of technology
  • Full length ads for Carl Jr's that will be sent directly to your inbox each hour and can be viewed for additional Spezgild
  • New scents

And much much more! Also, as is tradition for this AMA, we will not be answering any questions at this time, but please, feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!

top 50 comments
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[–] JineteDeAbuelas47@lemmy.world 106 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Hi spez!! Is the jailbait subreddit you were moderating coming to lemmy?

Edit: thanks for le gold!!

Edit 2: wow 69 upvotes nice

Edit 3: 420 UPDOOOOTS??? BLAZE IT LOL

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[–] TheGoldenGod@lemmy.world 76 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I can’t be the only one who expected a shittymorph ending, with in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

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[–] GoosLife@lemmy.world 64 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Breaking news: Reddit CEO purchases free software: "still not the dumbest decision I've made this month" says Spez in rare moment of self-awareness

[–] spaceribs@lemmy.world 52 points 2 years ago (1 children)

feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!

Are you staring in the sequel to Rampart?

[–] czarrie@lemmy.world 43 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thank you for your question about Rampart. Unfortunately we have no news to share about Rampart.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

I won't stand for this! ^Fortunately^ ^I'm^ ^already^ ^seated.^

[–] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 43 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Hi u/spez, why did you cancel my AMA to promote "Barbie" on reddit?

[–] Speckle@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

We need answers! #justiceformargot

[–] missingno@kbin.social 38 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or never read this question again?

[–] Foggyfroggy@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago

So there’s this invincible snail…and if it catches you this post disappears from your memory

[–] HeneryHawk@lemmy.fmhy.ml 35 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Did you kill Aaron?

Why couldn't it have been you and not Aaron? It's is because you're zero threat?

[–] Badtouchspez@lemm.ee 15 points 2 years ago

I can confirm. I, the one true spez that likes feeling people up inappropriately as per my username, did kill aaron. Then felt him up while furiously masturbating. Some will say there is no evidence, some will say that this is actionable libel.

-spez

[–] Nomecks@kbin.social 34 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If you were in a room with Elon Musk, Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler, could you stop fellating yourself long enough to give disappointing blowjobs to all your heroes?

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[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 33 points 2 years ago

Thanks so much for the time to address us lesser people!

So with your head up your butt, I've always wondered... how do you see the screen to make posts? Are you wearing a VR headset inside there or something?

[–] NucleusAdumbens@lemmy.world 29 points 2 years ago
[–] aja@lemm.ee 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Do you have a carbon monoxide detector?

[–] Lepsea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 years ago

No alarm and no surprises

[–] doitlive@reddthat.com 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] ooterness@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm sorry, but this is an AMA, so your posts must be in the form of a question:

Fuck /u/spez ?

[–] InfiniteLoop@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago

oh, sorry. “what is fuck u/spez”

[–] notatoad@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago

This announcement is supsiciously light on NFTs.

Will there be any new collectible avatars to help commemorate this occasion?

[–] csolisr@communities.azkware.net 19 points 2 years ago

Quick question: which cryptocurrencies can we use to purchase Lemmy Gold?

[–] rbos@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 years ago

The April fools jokes are gonna be fire next year

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago

As someone who is a real person and not a bot programmed by Reddit, I have to ask how are you bravely handling all of the negative publicity that our handsome and fearless leader doesn't deserve but is getting anyway. Anyway, I'm a real person and not a bot, and certainly not paid by Reddit to post this.

[–] ArtieShaw@kbin.social 17 points 2 years ago

Hi u/spez! This is exciting news. I'm looking forward to your valuable insight into the question of how to go several days without pooping. Three day's worth would be optimal, but I'm sure everyone would be interested in your vision for a future without enshittification

[–] PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago

Where is all the porn?

[–] depressed_submissive@lemmy.fmhy.ml 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

ohh, hyped about the scents.... my olfactory nerve is trembling in anticipation, and I'm losing control of my sphincter. Which is never a good combination.

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[–] SweatyCheese@lemm.ee 15 points 2 years ago

What is the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Spezbux?

[–] Yoz@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Youtuber Louis Rossman called you a rapist. Is that true ?

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[–] randon31415@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

Can you tell us about your new upcoming movie, Rampart?

[–] Chemish@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (3 children)

How do I give you some ~~Reddit~~ Lemmy gold?

[–] Zyansheep@vlemmy.net 12 points 2 years ago

"Thank you for the lemmings kind stranger!"

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[–] yoshipunk123456@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

The rest of the Lemmy community: *defederates Lemmy.ml and forks Jerboa, the web interface and the server software* (because thats all spez would get if he tried to buy lemmy *basks in the buty of the Fediverse*)

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[–] Belgdore@lemm.ee 12 points 2 years ago

How do you feel about all the people who want to have intercourse with you?

[–] Bouncingbollocks@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Can I have the password for your Reddit account?

[–] bappity@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

got scared for a sec then remembered nobody can acquire Lemmy 😅

[–] FatTony@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Hi u/spez I was wondering: When am I going to get the money? It's just that my wife has been very vocal about it. "Where is the money?" "When are you going to get the money?" And so on.

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[–] onionbaggage@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Bring on the cat girls!!

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Very funny, Satan.

[–] Xeelee@kbin.social 9 points 2 years ago

Dear spez: when will you bring back the best subreddit ever? You know the one you used to moderate before the SJWs made you delete it?

[–] StaticElectricity@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

We did it, Reddit!

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 2 years ago

Will Reddit develop a voice reader that features your voice? I have no idea what you sound like, but you look like you must have a terrific radio-voice. Definitely don't look like someone who'd be whiney and annoying.

[–] kairo79@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago

What's your favorit Dinosaur?

[–] BarelyTheramin@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

Were you born a greedy little pigboy? Or did you have to learn how to be?

[–] Braz666@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

How do you like your eggs?

[–] Kyoyeou@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

Hello Mr.Spez! May I ask how much questions you are going to answer to today!

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