Asklemmy

No it’s not too late! I didn’t start branching out and making new friends outside of the ones I made in high school until I was about 28. I got in touch more with acquaintances and started going out to bars. It wasn’t immediate and you have to be ok with having days that it doesn’t work, and show up repeatedly and you can start knowing people. You also should feel ok with the fact that not everyone will be super close friends and that it can take time, and that’s ok. You are allowed to exist in public spaces just like everyone else. The first few times I went out I didn’t talk to anyone at all. Nowadays I can go out and have days I don’t talk to anyone or meet anyone new or see anyone I know, but that is also ok. It’s a numbers game and you have to just keep going and get comfortable with checking in with your feelings and accepting when you feel social and when you don’t and accepting when things don’t turn out how you want and just appreciating being human and being out in the world. Go to cafes and listen to music and read books, go to bars and strike up conversations when you’re inspired, become a regular, ask people’s names, strike up casual conversation, accept awkwardness as part of the process and just keep moving forward! I now have multiple circles of friends that I’m close with to varying degrees and usually see someone I know when I go out. Work on your hobbies and career when you’re not socializing to have things to talk about and relate to, and be curious about other people and their lives. Most of the time at bars other people are also there to socialize, and you absolutely do not have to drink to be welcome at a bar. Do virgin drinks, sodas, water, pineapple soda, and ask the bartenders their choices in non alcoholic drinks. And also get comfortable with the fact that sometimes you’ll encounter sour apples while you are out, and don’t let them discourage you from going out to meet good people. Not everyone will be nice or fun or enjoyable, but that’s just part of it as well.

A good way is to find a meetup group with some shared interest. It doesn't really matter what so long as the crowd is good and you know enough to hold a conversation in the subject.

I hope so, otherwise I'm fucked.

No, not at all! As you grow older, it may not be as automatic as when you are in school. Many of the people that you interact with might be focused on their own stuff (work, partner, family, hobbies, finance) and not too motivated to expand or even have a "social life" in whatever free time they have (if they even do). But this is not everyone. There is still a lot of people at every age that do want a social life, you just need to put in a bit of effort to connect with them.

And, a tip, do not consider failed attempts at socializing as a "failure" on your side. Perceived rejection often boils down to people being very attached to their free time, and socializing not being on their list of priorities. If you keep this in mind then you do not need to feel discomfort from rejection, and you can be active in your search for like-minded people without worry.

I was the same, then I went to a lot of places: classes at community college and community centers, worked in restaurants, cafes, retail stores, and stayed at Airbnbs that were crowded like hostels. Sometimes you get talking with a co-worker or roommate, then get invited to a party and maybe find new friendships there.

Mid-20s is honestly the perfect time to start

When I hear "social life", "romantic", and "platonic" right next to each other like that, I think "social life" is code for spitting game. If that's the case I'll let you know when I figure it out

Too late? No way! Success depends a lot on your expectations and sense of self, so I would encourage you to be in therapy to get those straight. We all need therapy, but now would be a good time for you, before starting a new way of life.

But no way. You are perfectly fine.

The most difficult part is keeping your privacy respected. Normals will require you congregate on some proprietary, data-thieving platform to participate.

My experience has been that you basically restart the process of building a new social circle every few years. Life circumstances change. People move away. Some relationships grow apart. Some start families. So there's always going to be others in the same boat as you looking for new connections.

Dude, it's literally never too late. x3

There's old people fuck-a-thons in retirement homes for heaven's sake, lol. And those people are almost a century old.

Get on meetup.com if you aren't sure what's out there, but there's all sorts of fun stuff going on! Meetup is platonic.

It's never too late.

Absolutely. I was an absolute loner for the better part of a decade. Then my depression just disappeared. I joined a community around a streamer and had loads of fun. Just find the intersection between your preferred subject (literary analysis, anime tiddies, etc.) and your preferred communication method. (Text forum, voice chat, real life meetings, etc.) You'll find at least someone you can hang with, maybe more. Just go at it with openness and joy.

13 of my 18 friends I found when I was 30-35... My dad made the same experience in his 50s. Friends come and go. It's rather unusual to get to the end of your life with the same friends you had in school.

Nah. You can make friends at any age. Most of it comes down to showing interest in the person you want to befriend and asking them about themselves.

Imo as an ADHD person this world best for me. The hard part is finding the interesting person I wanna befriend. Most have happened casually through games or events. If you board game. Or pickle ball. Or shit join a cooking class. Good chance you'll be interested in someone in the bunch.

My 20s were complete garbage. I can't remember most of what happened there because nothing ever happened. At the end I didn't see any hope for myself and had some disturbing thoughts. But I've come around somehow and met my now best friends and many other nice people during my 30s. I owe them my life basically. Though I still have trouble finding romantic connection and I'm not trying anymore.

Where I meet people: At work, neighbors, hiking or board game groups

I think it's important to get out and meet many different people, even without ever becoming friends. You learn social skills, you have more things to talk about with others, you feel more accepted in general, it's a spiral upwards.

I've had close to 0 social life in high school and the first year of college.
What turned me around was joining a board game club.

What I've learned from this experience is that everyone
has a minimum and maximum amount of time and slots for friendships
and newcomers are the ones most likely with empty friendships slots.

Of course it's not too late, it only appears harder because in school we spent a lot of time during the week with many people the same age. But only a fraction of that time is needed, all it takes is being around people and talking to people.

Many on lemmy rightly complain of the lack of "third spaces" nowadays in many of the richer countries (you said college I'm guessing US or UK?), so for example in many places it'd be a bit weird to just go to the pub alone. But you can also just go alone and do and enjoy whatever you want, it just takes a bit more confidence, the embarassment of it usually wears off with age for most.

What's probably easier is joining some semi-regular activity where you get to chat. So pub quiz night, language exchange, chess club, hiking group, etc... are more likely to aid you in this compared to loud night clubs, the gym, or whatever, it's all subjective it's still important to do the stuff you enjoy, regardless of socializing.

As someone mentioned before: play boardgames. The nice thing is you don’t need any cause we gamers already have plenty and are always looking for people to play with.

Also go volunteering. You’ll meet people of different ages, genders and backgrounds. I myself volunteer in a youth centre in my neighbourhood. Initially I knew no one on the streets. Now people recognise me, teens and parents alike, say hello and acknowledge me. I myself like this. It makes the neighbourhood feel more welcoming and save. Initially I „hid“ behind our counter having a save distance between me and the teens until I felt comfortable and feeling like I can intrude their space. It takes time. But it is worth it.

You start a social life many times on your life. The people around you will change many times, and your relationships will change as well.

Don't feel pushed to start a social life.

Also, it's a skill you will take time thlo learn and make lots of mistakes, don't worry, it's normal.

And don't look for others approval in general, ota just wrong, but perfectly normal to look for. Still wrong

My most social years were in my 30's!

Of course you can, it just requires more work. Find a group of like-minded people by joining a evening class; group training; volunteer at an event; etc..

It requires a lot of effort, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Mid 20s? You're barely out of your teenage years, of course you can. Now if anyone has some tips for mid 40s...

I romanticize when I was in my mid twenties lamenting how old I was. Just fucking do what you think you ought to do and stop asking the retards on Lemmy for permission.

Congrats on graduating! And to answer your question: no, it's not too late. However, fair warning: it does seem to get harder to develop a social life the older you get. But by no means impossible.

Find a hobby you like and look for local groups of people / classes in that hobby. With time you will make personal connections with people in that group.

Could be workouts, activism, trekking, board games, knitting, book club, debates. Anything that does not involve staring at a screen.

I used to, when I had fun neighbours my age that I made through an online Buy Nothing group. If you just start indulging in social groups related to your interests, you're bound to meet people. It's up to you if you want to socialize more with those people.

Unfortunately, no one will force you to hang out with them (except red flag weirdos), so a lot of the effort needs to come from you. If you get flaked on/deprioritized/ignored/ghosted more than once or twice, that's the cue to move on and try someone else so you don't get your hopes up.

No its not too late

no, if you had the ability to create one and chose not to.

also no, if you didn't have the ability, realize that and start working at the reasons why. (in my case it turned out to be autism).

Absolutely! And in fact, pretty good time to do so. A lot of ppl are transitioning from school to work at your age, so finding new interesting friends etc.

That being said, making and nurturing friends is work and you may be a bit out of practice. No worries, just be ready to feel a bit out of your depth or nervous at times, knowing is half the battle. Plus, I think your cohort/age group are way more open with talking about enotional intelligence and friendship and the awkwardness of making new friends, which is super helpful.

Mate life full of ups and downs. Join hobbies and what not, and remember to strike a balance of effort with fun. All fun can limit your choices, all effort makes it not worth it.

no

It's totally possible to build a new network of great friends at literally any point in your life! I have moved multiple times over the years to entirely different regions where I knew zero people and I have always eventually found new friends. (I'm also autistic and introverted, so if I can do it, most people probably can.)

Sometimes it might take a while to find the activities you like, and thus the people who share your interests, but they're out there! If nothing else, it helps to start going on a regular basis to a local bar that hosts live music and just nurse a drink (even a soda if you're sober) and hang out, you'll start sussing out the social fabric in the area pretty quick.

Good luck, you can do it!

No, it's never too late. I'd recommend finding snd joining communities based on your hobbies and interests

Maybe at 120's it is too late, but I wouldn't be too sure about that.

No. As you get older your social life will change and reboot as you find new friends and interests and move apart from the old ones.

The only constant is change.