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Always love how republicans and conservatives are constantly so preoccupied with sex, sex, sex all the time and in ever more imaginative and obscure ways.
I now associate their religious beliefs to sex, Jesus, sex, guns, sex, the American flag and sex.
Genital Obsessed Party
“The government needs to stay out of people’s lives! Unless it’s the private activities of people I find icky, then they should control the hell out of them!”
"So, what are you in for?"
"Seventh dildo."
This was one of the laws broken in Half As Interesting’s “Crime Spree,” which became the pilot of their series “Jet Lag: The Game.”
If you have Nebula, it’s worth a watch.
Finally found a quest I'm absolutely sure my D&D group has NEVER played before.
Enterprising Texan pervert invents a dual-function gun-dildo that is constitutionally exempt from sex toy laws.
How’s fixing that power grid going, Texas?
So surprisingly a couple things have actually happened. Renewables are still showing explosive growth, it helped stave off as many rolling blackouts this summer. Also, they finally agreed to tie into the national grid.
Now, did they actually winterize and help prevent what happened a few years ago? Who knows, we haven't been told shit so probably not.
Well, credit where it’s due I suppose.
Perhaps that explains why legislators keep finding time to meddle in people’s pants.
"Compromises the innocence of children"???
Unless you are incredibly liberal parents, children don't even know what the fuck those are until they're old enough to recognize it as anything more than just a "tube". By the time they grasp the idea that it's something sexual, they're old enough to handle that knowledge.
"smaller government" apparently just means few dildos for the inspector to have to count.
Republicans have long wanted a government small enough to fit inside a vagina.
If they can outlaw a specific store from selling something, they can outlaw any store from selling anything. This isn't just about sex toys, it's a test to see what they can get away with.
Exqueeze me? The fuck? Is that real?
Edit: yes. Although it’s mired in legislative gobbledygook:
Sec. 43.23. OBSCENITY. (a) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he wholesale promotes or possesses with intent to wholesale promote any obscene material or obscene device.
(b) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection (a) is a state jail felony.
(c) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he:
(1) promotes or possesses with intent to promote any obscene material or obscene device; or
(2) produces, presents, or directs an obscene performance or participates in a portion thereof that is obscene or that contributes to its obscenity.
(d) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection (c) is a Class A misdemeanor.
(e) A person who promotes or wholesale promotes obscene material or an obscene device or possesses the same with intent to promote or wholesale promote it in the course of his business is presumed to do so with knowledge of its content and character.
(f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.
So, women seem to be exempt (“he possesses with intent”) and it is a “performance”. Whatever that means. And it’s a misdemeanor.
But it’s real. Can have six dildos in a performance, but more than six? Oooh that’s a paddlin’.
The documentary, Dildo Diaries, explores the topic in great, and sometimes hilarious detail. I happened to see this film around 2003, at a small art cinema, with Laura Barton and Judy Wilder present. So afterwards we had a Q&A. At that time one could sell/posses a 'representative model' for demonstrating how to put on a condom, but it was illegal if it also vibrated. And one could sell/ possess a non-anatomically correct 'dildo', which could legally vibrate. But one could not sell / purchase both from the same store. There were/ are literally stores that have an interior door dividing the two types. Also, if I recall correctly, there were limits on how many one could have, and categories including 'collectors' for those that had more than 6, I think.
The Texas House has at least 87 dildos. Someone should report them.
I don't agree, but I've also literally never seen a sex toy for sale in Walmart. Like, is that a thing?
look near the condoms. You'll find some really basic and boring ones.
One for each day of the week except God's day, as He said "on the seventh day you must [give it a] rest"
You know, studies show that keeping a dildo inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own 10 guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in a dildo.
Uhm, you can buy dildos at Walmart?
Why has nobody told me before now?
Support small businesses, don't get your dildos from Walmart
You must not buy feminine products or condoms/lube at Walmart then lol.
Normalize mailing Texas lawmakers 7 dildos.
Imagine being so unable to pleasure women that you're jealous and petty against your wife's dildo collection.
Does Texas employ door-to-door dildo inspectors?
Is there a state office of dildo regulations, wieghts, and measures?
Party of limited government and personal liberty.
Ladies and gentlemen, as is tradition when this utter foolishness is discussed, may I present: Texas Annie, performed by The Wet Spots
Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line 'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime
Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable For a prison term of twenty-seven years
It's just like enforcing in-home nudity when the blinds are shut, how are they gonna enforce this?
What are they going to do next? Make registry of dildos? Have a dildo buyback program? Regulate the length and girth?
Does my double-ended dildo count as one or two? Does size matter? Does a tarzan with bunny ears count as one or two? Does my hand count? How about a cucumber?
So many questions.
texas once again proving they are one of the greatest concentrations of cowards.
The very people that come up with these pearl clutch laws are the same people who also want to legalize marrying 12 year olds. But won't anyone think of the children, PLEASE!
I'm going to Texas and buying 50 dildos because fuck you that's why (also I will be selling the dildos at a slight discount afterwards)
So this means that Texas dildo inspector will be a job in the future. Just wow
