this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2024
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chapotraphouse

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[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 73 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Do NOT face allah alone while astral projecting

Today while astral projecting I summoned allah to try and weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.

He is so fucking powerful. I'm not at a power level to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and I'm spiritually injured to a great amount, but I think I'll make it.

I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting witch. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue astral projecting. I'm currently burning healing incense and drawing spiritual energy from my crystals to try and heal as quickly as possible.

Please be safe everyone. Allah is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay a god.

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 42 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

One of the funniest comments from the last few years

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 29 points 1 week ago

looking at the literal ~according~ ~to~ ~a~ ~lot~ ~of~ ~people~ creator of the universe:

"yea, i could take him, im built different."

[–] buckykat@hexbear.net 24 points 1 week ago

You have to have a group of friends if you want to kill God that's like jrpg 101

[–] Luna@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

new tagline?

[–] Omashkooz@hexbear.net 55 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My inner hustler wants to sell expensive spells to these people

[–] elpaso@hexbear.net 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Fill their spell slots with fireball while they aren't looking.

[–] BobDole@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago

Ah fuck, we had to be in the universe with vancian magic. Fuck it, I’ll be a barbarian

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 51 points 1 week ago (1 children)

this is painfully cringe. somebody out there really thinks in these terms unironically. what a waste of a mind

Death to America

[–] EelBolshevikism@hexbear.net 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

witches are cool when they aren't being not cool

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

idealism is like that i guess

Death to America

[–] EelBolshevikism@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

honestly I'm not sure if witch-adjacent spirituality needs to be idealist to exist. Of course when you start casting what you believe to be literal spells that is not the case lol

[–] AnarchoAnarchist@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago

I'm much prefer Terry Pratchett's depiction of witches. Practical women, with a good sense to know that a little bit of "headology" goes quite far, and any real magic is too much of a bother to actually use. That convincing someone you've put a curse on them is far more effective than actually putting a curse on them.

Do you really want to summon seven generations of ancestors to fix someone's broken arm? Or do you want to put splint on it, wave your hand and mumble, so that the patient thinks that you've cast some spell of healing, and tell them to keep it in a sling for a few weeks?

[–] axont@hexbear.net 44 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Trump's always equipped with a full estus flask

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Trump has miquela's broken rune so he can resist charms

[–] NPa@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

a-little-trolling "Folks, I'm telling ya'- Marika, or as I like to call her, "Sleepy Marika", she messed the Elden Ring up real good. No, it's true, she really messed it up. The Lands Between are disgusting now, broken into little pieces, borders left unguarded. Disrespectful. Miquella has a solution, a yuge solution. Making Altus Great Again, I call it... Look he's here now on stage, look how eternally youthful and honest he looks folks! 1000 years of love, people, we're getting rid of the ANTIFA Golden Order losers!"

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

He always makes the run to the moss seller in Undead Burg sewers first thing outta the asylum.

[–] milk_thief@hexbear.net 40 points 1 week ago

I am punching the mirror as hard as I can, but this ugly bastard will not leave my house, in fact, there seem to be more of him now

[–] Palacegalleryratio@hexbear.net 35 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Materialism vs Idealism: idealism takes the L, again.

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 19 points 1 week ago

The glass of water I just drank is more likely to affect the outcome of the election than this shit. I hate idealism

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago

I'd call this delusionism

[–] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 27 points 1 week ago

This is just sad

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 27 points 1 week ago

Man what can be happening to do this surely Kamala hasn't sponsored any kind of genocide or anything that could bring down the threefold law.

[–] Riffraffintheroom@hexbear.net 24 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Harry Potter and World of Warcraft have permanently sullied the minds of a very specific sort or person.

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago

Uplifting genocide spell, activate!

[–] Flaps@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago

Are they for real?

[–] HumanBehaviorByBjork@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Blue Wave
{X}{U}{U}
Sorcery

Tap all lands you control.

Prevent the next X damage that would be dealt to target opponent this turn.


"VOTE blue no matter who!" -Lim-Dûl

[–] shath@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

they should come work at the National Institute for the Technology of Witchcraft and Thaumaturgy

[–] shath@hexbear.net 13 points 1 week ago

we can do lysenkoism together

[–] FunkYankkkees@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Is that subreddit real or a joke?

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

It’s a joke; they reinforce patriarchy.

[–] Sickos@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

It is not a bit.

Dunno, but I just went on there out of curiosity, and there is a post from a person wearing a Kufiya and a free Palestine shirt proudly voting for Kamala, so I’ve got to conclude it’s a joke.

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I know a witch who is probably doing this. She's also getting signatures for a local Zionist politician.

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago

getting signatures for a local Zionist politician.

sounds like a witch

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 week ago

Imagine doing witchcraft to these ends.

[–] CommunistCuddlefish@hexbear.net 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Main character syndrome and its effects have been a disaster for whatever the fuck this kind of person is called

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

um they're a witch and you better watch what you say before they cast a spell on your magiphobic ass

I don't fear their "magic" so I'm probably not magicphobic

[–] LeZero@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago

Cool roleplay

[–] Barabas@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

Baffled that I hadn't seen anyone write tRump before.

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago

You watch agatha all along and then you go off all main character wizardry and shit

I remember when that subreddit was first started, and it was full of communists and anarchists, who were interested in spooky occult shit.

It eventually got fucking swamped by liberals with the most asinine takes. So that's cool...