this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
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[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 141 points 4 months ago (3 children)

it happens in movies because it happens in real life too. when in crisis, often there is sense of loss of control or autonomy. for most, something that can provide an outlet for such a frustration is one’s appearance. and, while men do too, women broadly tend to have the more intimate relationship with their hair. so: haircut (or hair dye, or both).

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 68 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Can confirm the guy side of this. Have shaved my head in moments of crisis. Not something I consciously considered before doing it. Just felt... Idk, claustrophobic and needed to do something.

Also, when my mom was in the hospital last year, had I been able to get in with one, I would've had a tattoo by the time she got out.

[–] Kyatto@leminal.space 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I've done it before too, lowest point in my life, just grabbed some scissors and cut down my long hair :(

A little upsetting to see people calling it a trope, when it is a real reaction to trauma :/

[–] Jesus_666@lemmy.world 34 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Tropes can absolutely be based in reality. A trope is simply a commonly used stylistic device or convention in media. Sometimes it's commonly used because reality just works that way. There nothing inherently cheap about it.

Cutting the hair short as a trope tells us that the character is in an extremely stressful or even traumatic situation and is trying to regain a sense of control. That's a complex situation but can be told in seconds by relating to actual reality.

It's not a trope in reality but it is one when used to convey a characters emotional state in a story.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 15 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Also guy here, did this as well.

But uh, mainly because I literally cannot get to a haircut place. Been functionally hobbled for 6 months, car got stolen, don't know anybody nearby with a car, no public transit, lyft or uber + a hair cut each month is actually pretty pricey when you are living on disability, waiting for public housing.

Been ordering delivery groceries for a while now, added a buzz trimmer to it this month.

At the rate my hair grows, it'll be back to roughly the length I usually keep it at by the time my PT regimen gets me back into 'normal' shape (probably another 6 months).

So sure, I am in what most people would probably consider a crisis, but it makes practical sense too.

Either way, cutting your hair hair is literally a more healthy way to directly exert what little amount of control you have over yourself... but it is, at least in my experience, far more socially ostracizing than cutting yourself.

Not counting me cutting my own hair, I have know several people in my life who have done both or either of these.

When people cut themselves and this is noticable, people who care at all will be concerned and try to talk to them, suggest therapy. They receive more care and attention.

When someone takes all their hair off? They'll be treated as if they are completely insane, should be avoided and are suspect, and/or are dangerous and should be institutionalized.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hitting the nail on the head in that last paragraph.

Also, I'm sorry. That's a shitty situation. It's wildly unl unlikely, but if you happen to be in east TN, I have a car and don't mind taxi-ing a Lemming in need

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Hah, I am nearly a thousand miles away, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Today is the day I try to find a printer to print off a bunch of docs for the public housing thing... unfortunately, as my wallet was also stolen (multiple times), my checking account is somehow not in my bank statements, so i get to hope they'll accept a raw csv file hastily formatted in excel and printed off.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I wish you luck with that. Public housing applications are the bane of my existence. I've been on the waiting list for so long that I couldn't tell you how long anymore. I hope there are shorter wait times in your area. I'm not sure what your politics are, but if you're at all lefty, it you hit up the local DSA (democratic socialists of America) there's normally at least 1 or 2 people in it that run errands for folks and give em rides as part of a mutual aid network. Local anarchists groups are good for that, too. Episcopal churches also tend to have bus services (geezer wagons) in my experience.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 months ago

I applied to the whole process some months ago, and my position on the list finally counted down to the point I was actually selected and could apply.

Likely the main reason it was only a few months wait time for me is twofold:

  1. I am legit disabled, receive SSDI.

  2. I moved several states away, partially to get away from all of the insane people that did a whole bunch of crimes to me, but also to an area with significantly lower rent than where I was originally.

That being said... I just today got two emails from Fedex, stating that two packages I either sent or ordered arrived... in April. It is July, and I have never lived in CA, nor ordered any packages or sent any there.

It sure is a lot of fun having your phone and wallet stolen every couple of weeks, half the time in muggings!

Maybe if I get an actual real address I can actually start the process of restoring an identity.

I will check around for those groups that you suggest, but I am in a rather Republican area now.

The mega irony of this whole scenario is that before all this insane shit happened to me, I was working at a non profit helping the homeless.

After I got royally fucked up and lost my job due to inability to use a keyboard (both of my hands were broken and I was a data analyst), they didn't give a fuck to help a now homeless former employee.

Oh well, with any luck, I am fucking retired now lol.

[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have full sleeve tattoos that started as piecemeal trauma tattoos. I get it.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm still highly considering a tattoo, but now in a much more stable place, so my needle phobia is helping keep my canvas blank lol

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I really don't like needles, but I've found that I really just don't like them

INSIDE MY BODY INSIIIIDE ME OUT OUT OUT

and I really enjoyed getting my tattoo other than the mild amounts of pain. I still love it.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This has been my thought process when considering it. I'm hoping that when I get there that'll be the case. I sew and have no problems with that, even if I get stuck, so I'm hoping once I'm there and in the chair it won't be too bad. The next problem is that I am, to use the clinical term, a wimpy little wimpy wimp when it comes to pain, so I've got a couple hurdles to jump. Lol

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Aaaah. Start small then. I was going to and got basically a 1/3 sleeve because it just fit and looked better like that

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh wow, that's a bit ambitious. I just want a small 1 inch tattoo on my inner wrist. I'm working on a design right now, but I'm not sure how to proceed exactly, because I have basically no artistic talent and can't draw to save my life. Lol

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Yeah i really only intended something small and then... It just looked so good in the example...

Oh you don't need to draw more than just an example and then tell them what you want with examples of colors and shit.. of it's a good tattoo shop they'll take care of the rest. If they give you shit it's not a good shop

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 0 points 4 months ago

That's good to know! I'll start reaching out, I think

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Also hair is uncontrollable and gets everywhere if you let it. If you are already stressed, then you can literally get annoyed by your hair existing on your head doing its thing.

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 13 points 4 months ago

yes! i wanted to mention this, that hair can be a sensory overload problem too so cutting hair can just be a way to optimize sensory performance in a state of stress as well. but i forgot so thanks for the reminder!