GreatestGenBot

When the Entrepreneur happens upon a rogue planet, they bring their night-vision monocles down to the surface and find their dad’s friend’s campsite. But when Captain Archer meets a super hot wraith who needs saving in the jungle, leveling the hunting field becomes his top priority. What technology should be available to us in 2024? How do you get Drayjin meat to fall off the bone? Which type of ball kick is the most satisfying? It’s the episode that definitely lives up to its title.

When Commander Adama gets pissed at the President, their game of civilization chicken spurs a mutiny in the fleet. But while Starbuck’s side quest reveals exactly who is pregnant, the rest of season one’s interesting questions remain mostly unanswered. What type of fuel do Raptors use? When should you throw away a toaster? Who had the weirdest day? It’s the episode that‘s a little too incurious.

When the Entrepreneur gets a hail from some unusual Vulcans, Captain Archer invites them aboard for some chicken marsala. But when T’Pol gets curious about their walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time philosophy, a very hard sell from Tolaris lands her in sicksbay. Who wants to shoot ropes in Ben’s childhood bedroom? Is there a diet Riker among the crew? What does a trackball say about a work station? It’s the episode where Robert Pine didn’t stick around for a moral reckoning.

When Boomer stumbles on an inhabitable planet, President Roslin’s hyper-religious pivot starts raising eyebrows on the Audrey 2. But while Dr. Baltar encourages Boomer to take herself out, Starbuck hatches a plan to blow up the damn basestar. Who was giving long shrift at STLV?  How good could a Mission Log party be? Where are all the song sequels? It’s the episode that identifies the second dumbest genius ever.

When Tucker and Reed return from an away mission to find wreckage from the NX-01, their busted shuttlepod systems leave them stranded with just a few days of air. But when facing their mortality in different ways leads to very un-immaculate vibes, getting drunk and blowing up their engine are two of the three things they can agree on. What do power strips next to the bed indicate? Where’s the bathroom on the shuttlepod? Which of these two drunks is also a Shimoda? It’s the episode with a pink lipstick problem.

When the Quorum of Twelve doesn’t stick to President Roslin’s meeting agenda, she pulls Dr. Baltar close in order to keep Tom Zarek away. But when a mystery man gets interrogated after bringing a ceramic gun to Rex Manning Day, his death in custody raises questions about about the Tigh’s luxury getaway. Who is not represented at podshop.biz? What does Star Trek Prodigy deserve? Which part of anarchy is kind of neat? It’s the episode that has reached the halfway point!

When T’Pol takes the fall for the Andorians attacking P’Jem, Captain Archer’s final attempt at a hang gets them both kidnapped by rebels. But when the crew’s rescue mission gets Tucker and Reed jumped too, Shran’s sense of indebtedness pays out double for the Entrepreneur. What heightens the urgency of being tied up with a colleague? Which food prep is best left to the professionals? How do you save money on a casket? It’s the episode that rockets Worf to the middle.

When the Audrey 2’s low-fuel light comes on, the fleet sends out Raptors to search for tylium ore. But when they find a Cylon base in the way of their objective, Starbuck learns how to delegate so Apollo can carefully blow up the damn refinery. Does Assistant Cousin Greg have a last name? Who has the reddest shirt on Battlestar Galactica? What’s one good thing about Elosha’s job? It’s the episode that’s going full barn!

When the Entrepreneur finds an alien ship sinking into a gas giant,  the away team gets trapped in its gravity well due mostly to Captain Archer’s general thirstiness. But when his white knight routine doesn’t work out (again), finally doing his Klingon homework gives him the upper hand. Which is the only black void on the NX-01? What gets Porthos off? Where are all the brass instruments? It’s the episode that’s misophones vs. everybody.

When Dr. Baltar finally produces his Cylon detector, suspicion at the top delays the first set of test results. But when a surprise reunion pushes Colonel Tigh off the wagon, an unexpected new element sours the comedy broth. What’s not very practical aboard the Audrey 2? Does this story propose a new reason to keep #datgap? Has Ben reached his Baltar saturation point? It’s the episode that’s not kink shaming anyone.

When the Entrepreneur hails a ship that doesn’t respond, Captain Archer decides to grab the sickly aliens aboard and bring them back for treatment. But when the cure for their genetic malaise creates an ethical dilemma, Dr. Phlox has his first professional disagreement with Captain Archer. How do you get a Doctor into your social circle? What’s not a good reason to get into a relationship? Who was on vacation during this production? It’s the episode without any writhing, legions, or pustules.

When the fleet catches a Leoben on the Gemenon Traveler, Starbuck gets assigned to interrogate him with an extremely specific bucket. But after President Roslin wakes up wet from one too many NyQil dreams, she hears Leoben out before returning to Commander Adama’s position. What doesn’t belong on a postage stamp? Where did H.R. Giger get all his ideas? Who definitely deserves a swirly? It’s the episode that’s fucking with us like the Cylons are fucking with humans.