GreatestGenBot

When a special guest gets to pick this week’s movie, it’s a perfect 80s time capsule with a sad situation on the penumbra of an adventure. But after the Goonies spend a week at the waterpark with Steven Spielberg, a completely different protagonist actually saves the day. What did the 80s contribute to the Commedia dell'arte? Do all Amblin films take place in the same universe? Why doesn’t Astoria have a social safety net? It’s the episode that imagines both its prequel and its sequel.

When the Entrepreneur gets an Uber mission that delays their trip to Risa, the Vulcan Ambassador who comes aboard is a pretty cool old lady. But when her rap sheet puts the ship at risk, Archer finally gets need-to-know status just in time to learn a not very salacious secret. What should Reed do with the ship’s torpedos? Where are new Greatest Gen conspiracy theories popping up? Is there a beauty standard for Vulcan eyebrows? It’s the episode that starts a campfire in engineering.

When the whole 2001 aftermath has Roy Scheider assuaging his guilt with a wrench, an unexpected offer to join a Russian mission to the Discovery is too tempting for him to pass up. But when he finally gets to space and war breaks out on earth, the two crews have to work together in pursuit of an unambiguously happy ending. Where does Helen Mirren fall on the scale of Russian accents? What’s the creepiest thing you could hear on a huge mostly empty spaceship? Which department has very specific messaging on their inspirational poster? It’s the episode that appreciates a bit of cold-war bullshit.

When some free-floating space ropes find their way into the Entrepreneur’s cargo bay, several crew members get caught up in a sticky situation. But when Reed can’t blast the alien into releasing its hostages, Hoshi and T’Pol start communicating just in time to return the ropes home. How is the popcorn technology of the future superior? Which department got wagged by the production dog? What’s the written form of Cumese? It’s the episode that was made for us.

When a grieving therapist gets a call from an astronaut, he cancels all of his appointments to go triage the psychological situation. But when he arrives at Solaris and learns firsthand about the visitors, he can’t get on board with killing his dead wife twice. Who wants you to get faded to Bolivian liquor? Which type of sci-fi movie is this? What’s the worst part about a spouse coming back to life? It’s the episode with a case of the Film Festival bends.

When Archer and Mayweather wake up in an internment camp, their preconceptions about the Suliban diaspora get shattered by the prisoners they meet. But when Colonel Grat comes down hard on the Captain’s sense of justice, the ambiguity of their escape plan goes completely unexplored. What does Kevin Uxbridge wear on a blind date? Which character could have helped this story? When is solitary confinement actually a reward? It’s the episode that’s pretty sure it’s better to be free to be fucked than to be not free to not be fucked.

When an emergency medical spaceship receives a distress call, James Spader’s boring deep-space work release job turns into a sexy color-timed adventure. But when the crew’s Captain dies in a freak nude-tube accident, taking over command means defeating the universe’s most basic villain. Who was the luckiest cast member? Why will Ben be a big hit at the senior home? What is this horror movie trying to ruin? It’s the episode that’s notable as an artifact of its time.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

When Tom Bergeron comes aboard for a segment of Hot Ones In Space, he tells the crew about a crashed vessel that has the raw materials they need. But when the away team shuttles down and T’Pol discovers a grow-op behind a panel wall, the marooned survivors they meet have a secret in need of a punch-up. What’s the Mike of the Alpha Quadrant? How should Kes hair be interpreted? Which allium knows things about you? It’s the episode with an impromptu taste test.

When the guys need to select a second movie for their film festival Adam forgets the one rule he set for himself, no blockbusters, and chooses a T-Rex sized smash hit. But when the special effects start jangling its keys, Ben and Adam are so distracted by shiny jeeps and dinosaurs that they forget all their movie mandates. Is the flutter real? Who said it best, Muldoon or Lecter? Did Jeff Goldblum get to take the excess chest oil home? It’s the episode that has golf time written into its contract. 

When an artifact of unknown origin knocks out the entire crew, one underwear-clad Commander Tucker remains conscious in the decon chamber. But when the criminals come aboard with their heist carts and Santa sacks, Captain Archer plays their hierarchy to his advantage while Trip tries to yes and. Where could paper-based old person games help tell this story? What’s the turkey of Enterprise? Who has the thirstiest website? It’s the episode with a very disorganized pile of women.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!