"Preparation purist" is wrong. You don't boil the tea, you steep it in hot water. For some teas, like black tea, you usually boil the water before pouring it over the tea, but other types of tea use water that isn't as hot (e.g. around 70-80°C for green tea).

Also, if you actually want to be an ingredient purist, tea must be made from the leaves of Camellia sinensis (or a closely related species).

Actually ingredient purist should be "tea must be made from tea leaves (Camellia sinensis)". Black and green tea both come from the same plant. There are people who will tell you that chamomile is a "herbal infusions" and not tea because it comes from a different plant.

Preparation futurist, Ingredient singularity:

I would try some saturn

It's only tea if it's made from the tea region of the plant. Anything else is sparkling suspension

Crude oil is texas tea, but mac and cheese requires milk not water.

Tea preparation rebels are not constrained by shallow concepts like 'being edible'

Saturn is a mixture of gases. It has a solid rocky/hydrogen core surrounded by a layer of liquid hydrogen/helium. You could argue that this intermediate liquid layer might have solid particulates, and this would agree with the definition, but overall Saturn is too complicated to be classified this way. A better extreme example would be something like Earth's oceans.

As miso soup enjoyer i can confirm it's tea, because it's relaxing & delicious

Coffee is the best tea

So because i make cold berry tea in summer and think coffee is a tea too, i'm a "crude oil is tea" sort of guy? 🤨

except... with "pure" tea you don't consume the original ingredient. (eating tea leaves or coffee grounds? eeww.)

pho, etc you do. ergo, not tea.

I'm sorry, but BOILING? You do not BOIL tea leaves unless you are an absolute heathen. You may pour just-off-the-stove, formerly boiling water over black tea leaves, making the tea about 210 degrees Fahrenheit. But you do NOT put allow water with tea leaves in it to BOIL unless you are seriously deranged.

Really feels like one should be "tea is made from tea"