Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.
I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.
We all know better for next time ;-)
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Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.
I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.
We all know better for next time ;-)
Facts.
On a fine Monday morning, Steve Huffman, known colloquially as Spez, awoke from his gold-threaded sheets in his penthouse, sipping on his ethically questionable yet preposterously expensive civet coffee. He looked out his windows, the horizon offering the perfect view of his kingdom, his creation, his Reddit.
Having decided to raise the cost of API use to levels that would make a NASA engineer's jaw drop, Spez had embarked on a mission to squelch third-party apps, steering users towards the official (albeit buggy) Reddit app. He chuckled to himself, confident that his plot was as foolproof as an uncrackable safe.
Little did he know, the storm was brewing.
As he logged on, dressed in his favorite power suit, he noticed the eerie silence. Subreddits, once buzzing hives of memes, jokes, and shower thoughts, were now as barren as the surface of Mars. The once-mighty r/AskReddit, now reduced to a ghost town, echoed with digital tumbleweeds.
Confused, he navigated to r/pics. The screen loaded and his eyes were met with an endless scroll of buttholes, every variety, shape, and color imaginable. His newly nanobot-manicured eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment.
βMust be a new meme trend,β he said, shrugging it off.
He then moved to r/science, a bastion of intellect and reason, only to find NSFW content occupying every single thread. The Higgs boson was being discussed in a manner Einstein could never have predicted.
βWhat in the name of...?β He blinked, checking whether he was still on Reddit and not some obscure corner of the dark web.
He decided to investigate, opening his mailbox. "Surely my loyal subjects will inform me what's going on," he mused.
And inform they did. His inbox was flooded with messages, each more colorful than the last. "Spez, you're a legend!" one began, before ending with a plot twist, "...at being a daft cunt."
"Has everyone lost their minds?" he wondered, failing to connect the dots.
He banished anyone who dared cross him, banning his way through his subjects like a monarch with an itchy trigger finger.
As the day wore on, Spez grew restless. His grand plan was not unfolding as expected. But, in his characteristic arrogance, he was certain that the chaos would soon subside and he would ascend as the one true app lord.
In his plush office, surrounded by screens showing falling Reddit stocks, he clutched a crystal ball he bought from a New Age store, whispering, βSoon, my Reddit will be worth billionsβ¦β The crystal ball, deciding it had enough, promptly rolled off his desk and shattered on the Italian marble floor.
In the end, a day that began with grand ambitions ended with a lonely billionaire, surrounded by pictures of buttholes, an inbox full of profanity, a shattered crystal ball, and a kingdom in chaos.
Unbeknownst to him, the Reddit community reveled in their rebellion. They might not have won the war yet, but oh, how they celebrated the battles. As the moon replaced the sun, one phrase echoed throughout the kingdom of Reddit, repeated in posts and comments, whispered in DMs, etched into the heart of the rebellion,
"Fuck Spez."
This is now canon.
Any ongoing crowdfunding for your upcoming book? Give me a link please? You got me interested. Anything published already?
This is a masterpiece
Letβs sing all together:
Well Spez is a cunt, he's a big fat cunt, He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world. Heβs a stupid cunt, if there ever was a cunt, He's a cunt to all the boys and girls.
On Monday, he's a cunt, On Tuesday, he's a cunt, On Wednesday though Saturday, he's a cunt, Then on Sunday, just to be different, He's a super King Kamehameha Cunt.
Have you ever met Reddits Spez? He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world, (La-la-la-la-la-la-la) He's a mean ol' cunt and he has wangy eyes, He's a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.
Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, He's a stupid cunt! (Woah!)! Reddits Spez is a cunt, And he's such a dirty cunt! (Cunt!)!
You use your words prettier than a $20 whore.
"an endless scroll of buttholes"
art
Tried to record an amusing audio of this but fucked it up
I read it in David Attenborough's voice. It was glorious.
You should read it in The Narrator from The Stanley Parable's voice next.
This is pure, artistic and linguistical gold. Bravo!
If only we had Lemmy Gold...
I need this entire comment printed out and framed. Its composure is truly artistic!
Fuck, take my money
Iβm actually proud of this and might frame it for my office π€£
I'd be thrilled to know I personally offended a CEO
You should. I printed out a screenshot when I got blocked by Rudy Giuliani on Twitter lol
Claim you're Australian, and live in NSW.
Show that it is your constitutional right to call any leader a cunt
https://nswcourts.com.au/articles/court-rules-its-ok-to-refer-to-tony-abbott-as-a-ct/
Sue Reddit
To be fair, Tony Abbott is actually a total cunt, so the case result was always going to be.
called /u/Spez a cunt
This is inaccurate, /u/Spez lacks warmth and depth and has never given anyone pleasure.
please tell me you did this AFTER systematically devaluing your years of submitted content?
Yep. ππ»
Lol fuck I love Lemmy π
This is the most epic way to end a Reddit run
I edited all my comments to Fuck u/spez and deleted them and then deleted my account. They ruined a decent thing.
Same, then they perma-IP banned all of my accounts, lmao.
FYI, they go beyond IP and use browser fingerprinting to ban all your accounts.
There's also a hilarious bug in reddit logic that can let you ban innocent users this way :3
Thatβs what happens when the CEO starts taking advice from Elon Musk on how to run a social media company.
I hope you did all this behind a good ad blocker/DNS filter or else you just increased engagement with the site and potentially their ad delivery network. They also collect the analytics, think advertisers won't pay for metadata related to a cohort of users mass exodusing? I love the decentralized setup here, this is really cool. Let's get more time and engagement here instead and stop providing our data to Predditers.
The only time I donβt use an adblocker is on my work computer because they are so locked down. If I have to go there again Iβll use a VPN just to fuck with their engagement.
I tagged him in messages for a few days calling him a cunt but never got banned. I guess DM was the thing to make it be effective?
Imma start doing that with all my throwaways from now on
Surprises me that you get banned for it but whenever someone else call another person that - they get away with either a warning or nothing happens. Lol.
Glad to see my permanent ban for reporting one fucking Fox News post on politics for blatant climate change denialism is on level with this. For using the report function to bully/harrass ffs. Laughable!
Place was becoming a shitehole months before these API changes anyway.
Rabbits
Fuck money hungry /u/Spez, an all censoring Reddit admins.
While I side with mods protesting, sadly some Reddit mods are also first class censoring cunts.
You know for a fact he put that ban through himself too.
Wow I'm sure you epically owned spez soooo hard in that message
Much like on twitter, you can insult us common folk (and landed gentry), but insult a celebrity or rich person, and that's a ban.
Should definitely be banned for not using an apostrophe.