this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse

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From what I could decipher (George Lucas has really bad handwriting), during Anakin Skywalker's podracing thing, there was this alien trying to walk with his family but the racing thing was in the way. He yelled "hey, I'm glorping here!" Soon after Anakin, while his vision was briefly impaired, runs over and kills the alien's family. It's to be noted that Lucas purposely never gives this alien a name in this book. He just refers to him as the "man with no name". Tragic stuff.

So then during a time skip you see the alien with a sniper rifle look deeply into the scope of his gun. You see a lone jedi. The trigger gets pulled and all the alien says is "shitto". He comes down to monologue to the dying jedi and begins to harvest their blood. More than half of the pages I could gather was literally just Glorp Shitto sniping jedi knights, saying shitto, and collecting the blood for midi-chlorians. It accumulates in him replacing his blood with jedi blood to use the force. Intense stuff.

Lucas states that he never intended for viewers to view him as a murderer, and how killing jedi is not productive to the plan because that just makes them martyrs. No, Glorp Shitto's true plan was to use the force to mess with jedi's organs so that they shit their pants.

Forced public shitting. That's why his catchphrase is "shitto". It's like poetry, it rhymes. Shakespearian stuff.

So much of the rest of the pages is him going across the galaxy and making every jedi shit their pants in very public places. The jedi council devotes all their time and energy to stopping this. By focusing so much on trying to save their public image, they let fascism blossom. They send Anakin to stop the shitter and Glorp Shitto knows he is going to die but doesn't care because he made the person that slaughtered his family shit his pants and jedi robes. He used all the force he was able to muster in order to make a shit explosion. Just like when he was little, Anakin was again blinded, but this time it was with his own shit. Using the force to choke him out, the alien's last words were, "I got the last glorp".

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[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

I laughed, I cried.

10/10 you just saved the franchise.