this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse

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I fucking hate tankies and so should you, these are the steps to wreck them in internet battle.

Step 1: Mention Star Trek. Tankies love this shit. It's one of the only things that give them joy. They call it "communism in space". Trust me, they go feral for this shit.

Step 2: Ask them if they like the original stuff. They should say yes, because it's pre-9/11 Trek and that makes it valid.

Step 3: Put on some Jojo music because this is when they begin to lose.

Step 4: Tell them that the original Star Trek film was actually the first movie tie-in with McDonald's Happy Meal. This is the ultimate sin because Mickey D's and their "happy" meal is everything all factions of tankies hate. This would retcon Star Trek as unbased and capitalist cringe.

Step 5: The targeted tankie gets depressed that they can no longer have TTG play in the background in their life. They get so depressed, they stop bullying you online.

Step 6: This is how you stop tankies online

top 14 comments
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[–] ennemi@hexbear.net 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

many bothans died to bring us this information

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Glorp Shitto died to bring us this information.

[–] zifnab25@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You just got slorped!

My favorite Shitto-ism

[–] GottiGoFast@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Remember the scene at the end of Star Wars: Rouge One? It was EXACTLY like that. My cock and balls still gets shivers from the bloodshed I witnessed.

Except I was Darth Vader but the hero version. Also the tankies were the lame guys in the silly white helmets, but not the heroes. AOC is Princess Leia in this >heart:emoji<

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Pissing, shidding, farding and shaking right now angery

[–] GottiGoFast@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Jokes on you tankie loser, the avian body only has so much hydration and you would have already used all of it for commie tears.

No piss for you because you CAN'T.

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

AAAAAAAAAAA! YOU CAN'T TAKE MY PISS AWAY IT'S ALL I HAVE! screm

[–] AcidMarxist@hexbear.net 15 points 1 year ago

this is a really good impression of someone who unironically uses the word "tankie"

[–] judgeholden@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago
  1. post pictures which explain logical fallacies your foes have committed

  2. create different accounts to upbear yourself from so people take you more seriously

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

a lot of this goes over my head, so i'm gathering the following:

  1. play giorno theme
  2. hexbear posters spontaneously combust when the piano bit hits
[–] zifnab25@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Adjusting a big dial labeled "JoJo Theme Song" and looking behind me to gauge the approval of the audience.

[–] Shinji_Ikari@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago

Dramatically putting my hand to my ear to ensure the audience knows I'm looking for their approval

[–] ComradeCmdrPiggy@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago