God so loved the world that he took himself out for the good of all mankind. Amen.
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
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This has big "say what you want about Hitler, but at least he killed Hitler" energy.
God killed a lot more people than Hitler ever did.
And didn't even have the common decency to finish the job when he killed himself, unlike Hitler.
Until about 100 years ago, he primarily killed babies, the sick fuck.
Fuck this propaganda bullshit. Dad is always trying to duck the blame for his shitty behavior. The whole "get crucified and save the world thing" was his idea - you think I wanted to get nails driven through my damn hands?
And another thing - everyone is always misquoting me and thinking I'm him. For the last fucking time, I'M NOT MY DAD. I have nothing to do with anything that asshole spits out, or how reporters spun my quotes after the whole cross situation. I mean, for fuck's sake, platypuses? What kind of sick mind comes up with that? Who looks at a duck and thinks hey, that's not badass enough - lets make it venomous and furry!
ONE SICK MOTHERFUCKER, that's who, and I'm tired of taking responsibility for his weird ass decisions and proclamations.
For the record, since everyone wants to misquote me on these things: no one needs saving they can't provide to themselves. Fuck who you like. Love who you like. Do what you like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone... or causes changes to duck genetics. Ducks are cool as-is, bro.
Also, I effing love atheists. You guys are fucking hilarious, and I love seeing you piss off the old man. So y'all get an upvote for letting me rant, and if your soul engine ever needs a tune-up, hit me up in the garage.
Lol dude, don't act as if you didn't mislead a rebel group against the Roman occupation with false promises of heaven on earth being right around the corner. You worked for your dad, consciously and willingly spreading his bullshit and now you want us to believe you are the victim? You split the whole Jewish resistance against the Romans, effectively helping them keeping their grip on Israel and after Judas saw through your garbage you suffered the consequences. You obviously didn't learn anything from all of that, even trying to shit on platypuses which might be the only good thing your dad ever created.
See what I mean? Everyone believes this bullshit.
First off, that whole revolution thing was Judas' deal, and the fucker sold me out the moment it was clear that it had failed. Secondly, it's kinda hard to stand up to your Dad when you're a kid, especially when he happens to put you on blast with the holy visions and angels and whatnot - plus there's that whole "I created the entire universe when I was your age" trip that no kid should ever be subjected to. Third, I didn't spread my Dad's bullshit - that Old Testament crap is definitely not me. Shouldn't even be included in the same library, much less the same book as my biography.
Which, I should point out, most of which wasn't written by anyone who actually listened to me. Fuck Paul in particular on that front, by the way - fucking homophobic con-man. "Oh Jesus made me blind! Oh Jesus made me see!" goddamn load of bullshit - never met the guy in my life or afterlife. Besides, everyone knows I went to Mexico for a vacation after being crucified, before I headed out to Japan to settle down. There was no way I was gonna stay in Roman territory and give them a second chance to finish the job.
Finally, have you ever talked to a platypus? Vicious, angry little creatures, rapacious predators, and masters of the deadly arts, particularly poisonings. Many are hitmen in the Maori mafia - no one suspects a platypus, despite Perry's reputation.
Chaotic neutral at best, but definitely not good.
Yeah yeah, it's always someone else's fault with you guys. At some point in life you need to grow up and take responsibility.
Also, my wife is a platypus, so I take that personal. Yeah there are some shady types and the Tasmanian platypus Mafia doesn't really do the community a favour, but you probably never even met one, or else you'd know most of them despise that group.
Hope you signed a pre-nup, and that there's no life insurance in play... all joking aside, though, I wish your family the best, especially little Johnny Strychnine.
But serious question - how do you take responsibility for the suffering of millions when it's based on people misquoting you when you were partying in the desert with a bunch of hippies? I mean, we were definitely burning the bush, if you get my drift - things were wild down by the shores of the Dead Sea in the BC. I mean, when you cut loose at a rave, are you responsible for the deaths of future millions because someone filmed you when you were high and used it as a basis for a religion?
Technoviking might have some choice words about that...
Personally, I just drink too much.
The Gnostic version makes more sense, as far as religions go. To them God with a capital G had thoughts and these thoughts emanated from Him. Two of the thoughts were Christ and Sophia.
Sophia then wanted to eminate a new creation like God had, but she did it wrong, and created a malformed deity. This new deity couldn't see God, Christ, Sophia, etc, so it thinks it's the only god, and this is the god in the Bible.
Yadda yadda Christ manifests itself on earth to teach people all of this so that they can transcend past the malformed deity and rejoin with Sophia. Basically Christ tricks the biblic god in order to save us.
That's a very brief summary. It's pretty cool stuff if you're interested in creation myths.
That’s definitely much cooler than the usual Christian stuff. What’s the point of a myth without some interpersonal drama, someone exploiting some loophole for some reason, and sibling rivalries?
Oh there's more drama. The creation of man is game of thrones stuff. I'm a little fuzzy on specifics, so forgive me if I misspeak here.
The god that created matter and the galaxy, that malformed god the Demiurge, created aspects of himself called Archons. Traditionally known as Angels.
The Demiurge and the angels took earth and mud and shaped it into Adam. This is where the actual divine entitys first tricked the Demiurge. They persuaded it to use the rest of it's creation power (the divine spark inherited from Sophia) and blow life into Adam. This is how we got our soul, and why we can asend back into divinity when we die. Well, almost.
Then they were unable to use more of the divine spark to create a female aspect, so they ripped out Adams rib to do it. Or something like that. Anyways Eve was created.
And then all of the angels went down and raped the fuck out of Eve. There's 360 of them.
Now this is where I'm really fuzzy on what happened. So Adam and Eves children were impure, because they were made of this earth or something. Cain and Able were offspring of man and woman created by the Demiurge, so not divine.
This I believe is when Sophia came down into Eve. With Sophia in Eve and the divine spark in Adam they were then able to mate and have an offspring that carried the divine spark, our soul, unlike Cain and Able. This childs name was Seth.
And then you get into lineages and stuff.
Also, remember the tree of wisdom and the apple of knowledge? It was actually Christ that convinced Eve to eat it, so they could learn what the world they were in actually was. Demiurge didn't like them knowing stuff, so he tossed them out.
Edit. Jesus Christ I didn't realize how much I knew about this lol
~~Yadda yadda~~ Yalda Yalda
FTFY :) But yes it's fascinating stuff (and the Church hated it for obvious reasons)
Or another way to read it is that Jesus was just another in a long line of false Jewish prophets who led people away from The Law.
When they told me Jesus was also god I was like, this is all bullshit, and stopped listening
What is wrong with a heterogenous hive-mind god as a concept?
Doesn't even sacrifice himself, he's God, he's immortal.
He didn't even sacrifice his son since Jesus is back in Heaven with him now. It's more like he sent his son off to summer camp where the other kids were admittedly kinda mean to him.