this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
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Atheism
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Fuck this propaganda bullshit. Dad is always trying to duck the blame for his shitty behavior. The whole "get crucified and save the world thing" was his idea - you think I wanted to get nails driven through my damn hands?
And another thing - everyone is always misquoting me and thinking I'm him. For the last fucking time, I'M NOT MY DAD. I have nothing to do with anything that asshole spits out, or how reporters spun my quotes after the whole cross situation. I mean, for fuck's sake, platypuses? What kind of sick mind comes up with that? Who looks at a duck and thinks hey, that's not badass enough - lets make it venomous and furry!
ONE SICK MOTHERFUCKER, that's who, and I'm tired of taking responsibility for his weird ass decisions and proclamations.
For the record, since everyone wants to misquote me on these things: no one needs saving they can't provide to themselves. Fuck who you like. Love who you like. Do what you like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone... or causes changes to duck genetics. Ducks are cool as-is, bro.
Also, I effing love atheists. You guys are fucking hilarious, and I love seeing you piss off the old man. So y'all get an upvote for letting me rant, and if your soul engine ever needs a tune-up, hit me up in the garage.
Lol dude, don't act as if you didn't mislead a rebel group against the Roman occupation with false promises of heaven on earth being right around the corner. You worked for your dad, consciously and willingly spreading his bullshit and now you want us to believe you are the victim? You split the whole Jewish resistance against the Romans, effectively helping them keeping their grip on Israel and after Judas saw through your garbage you suffered the consequences. You obviously didn't learn anything from all of that, even trying to shit on platypuses which might be the only good thing your dad ever created.
See what I mean? Everyone believes this bullshit.
First off, that whole revolution thing was Judas' deal, and the fucker sold me out the moment it was clear that it had failed. Secondly, it's kinda hard to stand up to your Dad when you're a kid, especially when he happens to put you on blast with the holy visions and angels and whatnot - plus there's that whole "I created the entire universe when I was your age" trip that no kid should ever be subjected to. Third, I didn't spread my Dad's bullshit - that Old Testament crap is definitely not me. Shouldn't even be included in the same library, much less the same book as my biography.
Which, I should point out, most of which wasn't written by anyone who actually listened to me. Fuck Paul in particular on that front, by the way - fucking homophobic con-man. "Oh Jesus made me blind! Oh Jesus made me see!" goddamn load of bullshit - never met the guy in my life or afterlife. Besides, everyone knows I went to Mexico for a vacation after being crucified, before I headed out to Japan to settle down. There was no way I was gonna stay in Roman territory and give them a second chance to finish the job.
Finally, have you ever talked to a platypus? Vicious, angry little creatures, rapacious predators, and masters of the deadly arts, particularly poisonings. Many are hitmen in the Maori mafia - no one suspects a platypus, despite Perry's reputation.
Chaotic neutral at best, but definitely not good.
Yeah yeah, it's always someone else's fault with you guys. At some point in life you need to grow up and take responsibility.
Also, my wife is a platypus, so I take that personal. Yeah there are some shady types and the Tasmanian platypus Mafia doesn't really do the community a favour, but you probably never even met one, or else you'd know most of them despise that group.
Hope you signed a pre-nup, and that there's no life insurance in play... all joking aside, though, I wish your family the best, especially little Johnny Strychnine.
But serious question - how do you take responsibility for the suffering of millions when it's based on people misquoting you when you were partying in the desert with a bunch of hippies? I mean, we were definitely burning the bush, if you get my drift - things were wild down by the shores of the Dead Sea in the BC. I mean, when you cut loose at a rave, are you responsible for the deaths of future millions because someone filmed you when you were high and used it as a basis for a religion?
Technoviking might have some choice words about that...
Personally, I just drink too much.