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My go-to is to ask what they like to do in their spare time.
A lot of the time you’ll get answers about how they have none or how it’s filled with chores, but you can always redirect and say, if you suddenly had a bunch of free time just for yourself, and you couldn’t use it to work, what would you fill it with?
In my mind the latter gets you down to what brings them joy, and in some cases how they want to see themselves, which can tell you a lot about a person.
Ugh, I hate this question so much!
What do you do in your spare time?
Stop, Patrick, you're scaring them!
This is great - it will get people to talk about something they like. I love that - and I always try to stay curious when people are talking, poke them with whys and hows to really get them talking.
Sometimes the easy thing is to ask a question out of politeness, then not really listen and just wait to get to talk yourself. But focusing on active listening and understanding will bring you much deeper in a conversation and the person you’re talking to.
What music are you listening to at the moment?
Favourite bands can be divisive and sometimes people answer with what they think you want to hear. Current listens can be stuff you love, stuff you’ve discovered, stuff that’s catchy or stuff that’s a long term favourite.
I'd be a bumbling fool trying to list bands if it wasn't for a music app like Spotify. I just tried to list 20 bands off the top of my head and came up with 6... What!? As someone who has over 500 bands or music groups liked on Spotify, this is just wild.
What pieces of media influenced them the most.
If Superman got in a fight with a T-Rex, who would win?
That's easy. Superman.
Now... what if the T-Rex had a few teeth made out of kryptonite and was half cyborg? Who would win now?
Ooh, see, this is the active listening that leads to deep hours of conversation. Which we will now demonstrate. What part of the trex is cyborg? If it's his little arms, that's not going to help. Now, one with cyborg legs, now you've got something....
Depends on the context you met the person. Say of it's a coworker, ask what got them into that line of work. This will reveal the motivations and interests, if any, behind their job choice.
You can ask something similar if you met doing some other activity ( tabletop rpg, kayaking, you name it).
Alternatively... You can ask what they do for a living and work from there.
I really hate the "what do you do for a living question." I cringe everytime I hear it. I'm more than just my job! I'd rather be asked "what do you do for fun?" or "do you have any hobbies right now?"
Sure, each to their own. I feel asking those two you suggested are a bit too nosey when just meeting someone. I'd feel immediately uncomfortable having to open up on something so personal with a stranger. Much rather break the ice talking about my career.
Then why talk to a stranger in this scenario? We converse to get to know one another. If you're at a work function, then sure stick to surface level stuff to just get by with the function. But I hope that's not the limit of your socialization.
One has to start somewhere? OP asked for questions to get to know someone better. They didn't specify how well they know the other person already or the situation. But I hope you can recognise that will vary with each case scenario.
Yeah, I'm already saying the situations can vary
I like favorites. If you think about it, each person has a favorite for most things. They've lived their whole life and have landed on say a single food or movie as their favorite. I think talking about those things can really give you some insight on a person.
And as a bonus you can get the chance to branch out. If anyone ever says X is my favorite movie and I've never seen it, I'll watch it. If it's someone's favorite it usually has something there worth experiencing.
How many toes do you have.
When did you get your first Covid vaccine?
You hungry? Cause im starving!
Vanilla or chocolate? That might tell you how much fun you'll have.