this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Malfeasant@lemm.ee 18 points 1 day ago

Wallace. Bet he's seen some shit.

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

All of the above. Let's party!

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 23 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Hannah, because in a few months she won't be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.

Also Wallace. I generally don't mind old people. Maybe I'm getting old myself but stay off my lawn!

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Plot twist, her fiancee refuses to commit to a date and she will be engaged for years, constantly planning a wedding that will never come. Growing more and more frustrated and vocal about her upcoming wedding.

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[–] JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] BranBucket@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Wallace. Wallace probably doesn't give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shit as a result.

[–] JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thats it, he knows the company doesn't give a fuck and hes just waiting it out. Also I bet he has some stories or wisdom to bestow.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah Wallace is solid, he's just running out the clock at this point. Bring in some snacks and treat him like a human and he'll do anything he can to help you.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.

[–] Whateley@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Shiloh because I fuck with anyone down with Gary Numan.

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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago

me too, i like the way women smell…

[–] FMT99@lemmy.world 203 points 3 days ago (7 children)

Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.

[–] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 74 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Gotta be careful with that. I shared an office with an old guy once and had to bring headphones. We wouldn't talk, but he would constantly make old man noises. Coughs, grunts, snorts, etc. If I didn't block them out, they would drive me crazy like nails on a chalkboard. That said, the guy himself was really cool and I loved working with him otherwise.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago

'Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.'

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 36 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Never shuts up about how the country has gone to hell, complaining about "the queers", etc, etc, etc.

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[–] Trilobite@lemm.ee 9 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Lewis for sure we can have competitions

[–] Cypher@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The only rule; first to shit themselves loses

[–] Trilobite@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

No way the first to shit themselves wins

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[–] wolfpack86@lemmy.world 85 points 2 days ago (10 children)

The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.

[–] tatterdemalion@programming.dev 29 points 2 days ago (2 children)

There is always an exception. One of my older coworkers once came in to work with a sprained ankle. I asked why and he said he got it from kicking a dog, with zero remorse in his expression. I wish I had not asked. I knew he was weird but that detail cemented my opinion of him.

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[–] random_character_a@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

I've had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.

  • Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.

  • Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don't value his feats of manliness.

  • Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn't realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.

  • Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn't even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don't listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.

Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.

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[–] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!

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Radio head it is then

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Wes4Humanity@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago

This is the correct answer... As long as there's no patchouli in it... That shit smells awful

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 14 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It's innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don't fit the mold.

Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don't think that's a good thing.

I know it's a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.

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[–] DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Jacksepticeye

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 42 points 2 days ago

Wallace.

Dude just wants to shut up and work, make it to retirement. You could probably engage him about his grandkids or his fishing trip if you wanted.

All the rest of them are gonna want to bother you with their problems or hobbies.

[–] lengau@midwest.social 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'd be fine with several of these.

Brice: I've never understood people's distaste for that smell. I won't microwave tuna in an office because I know others don't like it, but it wouldn't bother me.

Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.

Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I'm cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it's only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)

Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.

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[–] 4oreman@lemy.lol 6 points 1 day ago

definitely not susan

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago

I'll take Hannah, Shiloh, Caleb or Wallace, and some noise canceling headphones.

[–] devilish666@lemmy.world 67 points 2 days ago (3 children)
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[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

sdklf;gjkl;dsgjkl;dsgjkl;dsgsjkl;g

[–] klemptor@startrek.website 34 points 2 days ago (6 children)
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[–] Shardikprime@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Hannah: Get her to invite me to the wedding, meet her friends and all the social circle. Very helpful to grind that social experience

Caleb: dude is probably shredded and knows not only how to eat healthy, but, by comparison, will force you to eat healthy as well. Probably can help with grinding the social experience as well

Wallace: if you get him to open up and share his work experience, this could be the teaching of a lifetime. Also helps to grind the social experience as he probably has young nephews, and family gatherings to invite you

These 3 are my best choices

[–] lurklurk@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I used to sit next to someone like Hannah in an open plan office. She was lovely. Really happy and excited for her future.

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[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Tough crowd. I would go with the farter. Everyone farts.

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[–] nick@midwest.social 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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Lewis or Wallace. or both, so I can have fun hearing them fight

[–] tino@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

I wear all-natural deodorant too. It's microwaved-tuna flavoured.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

Wallace is my boy! We ride or die together!

I can't fucking stand the zeal today's youth has for life.

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