Ask Lemmy

I have a screaming pillow.

It's for screaming, the pillow itself cannot scream.

Same way I survive every Wednesday.

Your worth as a person isn't measured by your ability to find a romantic companion

You are simply a person, people of the alternate gender are simply people. There is no magic transition that happens when you find a relationship, people are depressed in and out of love.

My recommendation is to find community, leave the house, look for public events, join board game nights, pick up a hobby like pottery or biking or a specific video game, get really into something and enjoy your platonic time with people who also enjoy that thing.

Platonic relationships have just as much value as romantic relationships.

Options to consider: I. Professional company keepers if you can afford it.

II. Keep busy with Work - I use such holidays as free Overtime shift gathering glitch. Workflow seem to be mid anyway, would rather get paid than hanging out at home alone if i can't avoid it.

Pay your self with some type of travel or self-care after this ,holiday vacationers pressure must have subsided by that time anyway.

III.An alternative will be to volunteer at hospitals to keep senior citizens company or foodbanks/ pantry or local community based need. This can be planned ahead in case necessary screening is needed.

IV. You can start a Lemmy4Lemmy holiday company discord or something adjacent to r4r SFW and or NSFW. Beware of sellers and bots though.

Hey fam! I'm not doing anything on christmas day, and @friendless@lemmy.blahaj.zone had a post today where they said they didn't have anything that day either.

How about on christmas day all of us get together on a post somewhere and talk! You know, we can just chat like we're at a party or something?! We can post images and song links and... I dunno... type out song lyrics and complete each other's sentences and stuff?

Maybe we can make it a megathread on a community like... hm...

• !casualconversation@lemm.ee - I suggest this one
• !general@lemmy.world
• !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
• !casualuk@feddit.uk

what do ya say?!?

Not lonely anymore, but I spent about 10 years having every single holiday by myself. What worked for me personally was either ignore the holiday or just have an all-out bash on my own. I understand how it might not work for other people but celebrating on my own helped me learn that I should value my own time and appreciate what I can do for myself. If I ignored the holiday, it was because I didn't want to cook for myself.

There's no problem being alone as long as you value and appreciate what you can do alone.

Now with that being said, I spend the majority of my time with my wife now and she respects my time and space the way it is. I wouldn't have been able to find that if I didn't first respect myself and my own time and space

It sounds silly, but you could try volunteering. I grew up with just my mom and we didn't have much $. She used to spend part of Thanksgiving and/or Christmas working at a 'soup kitchen'. Making the time better for other people can make it better for you too. Also, you might meet other single people.

There's a difference between being alone versus "lonely." I know this sounds flippant, but you have to find things you like. Things you wake up and look forward to, or plan for yourself. Maybe plan something for yourself next holiday? Take yourself out to dinner, spa day if that's your bag, maybe look into a hobby you've always been interested in, go to a out-of-the way store, whatever is special to you and for you.

Good luck.

Have you tried therapy? Judging by the comments in here, you sound depressed. And not without reason! Therapy can really help.

I’m not lonely but I have really enjoyed mastering fudge. Maybe try that. Remember, don’t go past 114 and resist the urge to stir.

For myself. I drove to a cold rocky beach, ate turkey sandwiches alone, and screamed at the ocean. It became a tradition.

Learn to celebrate .

If it's your bag, looking into faith communities to for Christmas. You can celebrate the holiday for the religious reason. Decorate and find events, like public tree lighting.

For new years there are usually big public countdowns somewhere. If you can 'get into it' just going to an event can help you enjoy it. Get a hat and a noise maker.

It's going to be up to you to figure make your own excitement and enjoyment for the holidays.

Valentines day sucks for everyone. Just Yikes.

Look for social media event spaces, meetup.com helped me find stuff decades ago.

Read up on stoicism as well as absurdism if your not a religious kind of person. They aren't answers but can help you find the right questions.

I moved to the opposite side of the country as my friends and family a decade ago and refuse to travel during holidays. Some years I've been lucky enough to have friends in similar situations but since covid it's been kinda rough. IDK if it will work for you but I fly back between Thanksgiving and Xmas and we celebrate then. Other than that to me it's just another day.

My girlfriend and my mom hate each other for no reason. I'm going to spend the holidays with my girlfriend because... Well y'all get it. Right?

I'm just saying I'm not lonely... But at what cost! AT WHAT COST!

My advice would be to make an effort to participate in group activities if you don't already. Try to open up to a few people and see where that goes. For example, I started going to a run club last summer where we run at least once every week, and I continue to meet interesting people each time. Stay a little bit after the run to socialize. A lot of them it turns out joined so they can socialize and motivate themselves to be more active, just like me. You can start at your own pace, even walk if you need to, of you're not a runner per se. We had a special holiday run last week where we celebrated afterwards with lots of games and activities at a bar/video game arcade and it was a blast. An added bonus is that now you'll have fun social activities to talk about when you meet new people outside of the club. I've met people that are into board games, cycling, you name it. So that opens up new doors for other types of activities. It gets easier after you start going regularly and everyone recognizes you. Starting a conversation is as simple as asking how their day/run/whatever went.

Find a passion that isn't porn, or alcohol, irrespective of the season. Since (I assume) you have time off, use it to find something else to try and get good at. Such as improving your strength and endurance at the gym, learning a new language, starting a new project, taking up a new instrument, read a history book or any book, etc., going to a new place, learning to cook a new kind of meal, etc. etc.

It really is a conundrum. Group festivities seem almost designed to make the people on the margins of society feel worse about themselves. And yet try to imagine a society without such events. It would be even worse (and of course no such society has never existed). This whole problem is exacerbated so much by the fractured nature of modern urban life. In the past it was not even possible to be alone at Christmas, because nobody much was ever alone.

Anyway, as something of a marginal type myself, I agree with suggestions others have made. If you try hard enough, you really can see through the myth of social "success" and "failure". At that point, festive dates will begin to seem like what they are: just dates. As for "getting company", this one's pretty easy. Join some social group with regular events, and make it a fixture in your diary. You'll meet new people and eventually things will move on from there. But be patient! All human relations are about the hours invested. So if you haven't taken this first step already, there's no time to lose. Make it your new year's resolution.

Walk around & enjoy the view & play video-games & talk to people like you (not meant as an insult)

I don't care about the holidays. They are just days of the week. Largely where things are closed or close early. So basically just extra Sundays.

Autistic adult here. I love being alone. Since 2020 (pandemic) I have spent both Christmas and the new year alone at my home with my cat. I just cooked something special for myself and acted like it was a normal day. Also I sent messages to all my friends wishing them happy holidays.

I have to admit, though, that this year I felt a little lonely, so I decided to visit my family again, but only for Christmas. I want to spend the new year alone, otherwise it would be too much time surrounded by too many people.

I've been depressed...hell I still am, though I cope better than I used to.

I'm guessing its not just the holidays that gets you down. There's two ways out, and I suggest doing both.

1. Conform to some of the social norms that basically means take some of the classic advice you've already seen on here. Get out of the house and participate in activities that you might not initially enjoy, but hold some promise of you at least getting a bit of enjoyment out of, or at least stick around for the socializing. Think of it like taking your vitamins, you don't have to like it, but its probably good for you and therefore you should consider doing it.

2. Find things you enjoy doing in your solitude that are nondestructive/neutral or even healthy (depends on the context if its avoidance/addiction or not). Listen to podcasts, read books, learn a new skill, listen to music, meditate, exercise, etc. Just something. We can give you ideas all day, but just choose something and stick with it for at least a couple weeks before trying something else.

The harsh truth is that without some kind of existential raison d'etre, life is just a series of activities we use to distract ourselves from our own loneliness or avoiding ruminating on other topics like death.

The world right now has made it hard for people of all walks of life to connect authentically, and so don't blame yourself entirely for the situation you're in. That said, when you're down in the shit, there's only two choices, you either wallow in it or you clean yourself up and do what you can to make your way up and out of it.

And I hold no judgments on what you or anyone decides to do here, life is hard and yeah, it can suck. But I personally look at it that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. But I already know what it's like being damned if I don't... might as well find out what it's like being damned if I do.

Take it or leave it, that's all I've got for you or anybody. Good luck out there.

Same way I do every other day, play horror games, fuck around on my computer and cry. With you on the alcohol and porn too. I should switch to Playboy.

Edit: Also learning Esperanto, it's good to keep your mind active. Learning a language can help. I also have an irrational or maybe rational fear of developing dementia. Gotta workout your brain.

Talk to my therapist and try to do something that helps people or animals.

If I could hibernate through the holidays I would. If I could go one year without my mothers annual holiday threat of suicide, and the ramblings about how nobody loves her. I'd be a lot more excited for the holidays.

Always around if you need to chat, hope it blows over soon and the new year brings some peace and happiness. Happy Holidays Stranger, you got this.

I just work a lot and I don't have enough downtime to let the depression sink in.