this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2023
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Fuck. A drop bear killed my uncle. Horrible creatures.
That's sad, but it's kinda his fault if he wasn't carrying an umbrella 🤷
Umbrellas do nothing, I really wish they'd stop teaching that in schools, it's why we have so many drop bear casualties every year.
Depends on the umbrella https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-true-history-of-the-umbrella-gun-a-surprisingly-serious-weapon
The umbrella part still does fuck all and you'd wanna hope you're a good shot, they go feral when wounded.
They have razor sharp claws that can rip through denim like it's butter.
This reminds me, I was once walking into a Melbourne Metro station, and the Aussie mate I was with had been spinning me some web of shit for a while, I finally lost it and loudly announced "LOOK, mate, I'm not gonna believe any of the SHIT that comes out of YOUR MOUTH ever since you tried to sell me on FUCKIN HOOP SNAKES" and a random commuter woman in earshot literally doubled over laughing.
What I love about hoop snakes is that they're American, not Australian.
The drop bears are really getting out of hand. Fuck the Emu war, we need a drop bear war. Drop bears aren't a joke, millions of families suffer from drop bears every year.
Even if they don't kill you, they give you chlamydia.
Sorry for your loss.
A jackalope got my uncle-daddy Bubbafred, and a skunk ape chased my cousin Darlene. She had the ugliest baby later that year.