CPTSD

Most of my family is half way across the country, but I had friends that I'd spend Christmas with. I learned over time that these weren't very good friends though, and eventually cut their toxic bullying out of my life. Last Christmas was the first one spent alone.

I almost didn't know what to do with myself. The weeks leading up to Christmas, I picked up extra shifts at work since I had the time instead of running around picking up stuff they'd want to buy off of Facebook for Christmas gifts. The night before I fell asleep early because I wasn't frantically making food for the next day. The day of, I slept in instead of getting up at 5am to start breakfast. I casually had coffee and breakfast instead of cleaning up gift wrapping paper and starting prep for dinner. Around 4pm, I started making myself dinner of roasted turkey thighs with garlic mashed potatoes and sauteed fiddleheads that I could never have since everyone else thought they were gross. I drank half a bottle of white wine, which I never do since I didn't like getting drunk around my "friends". I put away food and then fell asleep on the couch, leaving a huge mess that I didn't even worry about with no one complaining about it. And most importantly, I didn't have a single panic attack the entire time.

Sometimes you don't realize how toxic things are until you cut them out of your life.

May you have the most fabulous Christmas alone this year!