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Americans are explaining why they don't say 'you're welcome' in customer service settings after foreigners complained that 'mmhmm' comes off as rude (www.insider.com)

submitted 1 year ago by elfpie@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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I was watching a video from two years ago about different social norms and this showed up. Found someone questioning the same eight years ago on reddit (when it seemed less normalized). It feels so weird not being aware of this shift, even as a foreigner.

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[–] apis@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"No problem" always makes me think that a problem was expected, or that even there might be problems soon!

"You're welcome" to me sounds like a natural, polite acknowledgement that I've appreciated what they have just done. It feels like it would be weird for someone to pretend they haven't just brought me food or whatever.

[–] t3rmit3@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

makes me think that a problem was expected, or that even there might be problems soon

We're using "problem" to mean "imposition", not "difficulty"/"error".

"I had no problem with having to do this for you", not "I encountered no problems while doing this".

'No problem' is me telling you that I was happy to do the service for you, such that it wasn't an imposition to do. When I do something for a person I like, I have 'no problem' expending the effort to do it.

If I have to do the same for someone I don't like, I will have a problem with having to do it, but since it's my job I will not begrudge them whatever it is: they are welcome to it, since it's my job to provide it. But I don't have to be happy about it.

'Sure thing'/ 'ya no worries'/ 'ya of course', etc are neutral phrases.

Bear in mind though that tone and body language are ultimately what you should be cuing on. When I deliver an unhappy "you're welcome", it will be deadpan, and I won't be smiling.

[–] apis@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

No, I know, but it still sounds bizarre, as if it were going to be an imposition to be brought food, or that asking for a jug water might be. Imposing on someone is still a difficulty & as a customer, one is imposing on the worker to a degree.

I agree that tone & body language are far more important than the words, and also that a lot of people use whichever phrase their boss prefers them to use.