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I think arriving to the ability to not let this trigger you requires a lot of little decisions and changes. Like accepting that people will fail or suck at their job, being able to roll with shit, having alternate/backup plans.... Like if the cable guy was coming today, then I'd have shit planned to do around the house and I wouldn't plan anything else that day. I'd game, clean, do chores, do outside projects, change the car oil, whatever needs to be done nearby that I can take a break from when they finally show up. Small businesses I'd probably call in the morning and verify they're showing up for sure that day.
I guess it's a combination of assuming the worst case scenario and focusing on what you can control. ("Plan fo the worst, hope for the best") So in the case of the shitty co worker, I'd ask them to tone it down. If they won't, then what can I do? Can I move elsewhere? If I can't I might ask the supervisor if they can get my desk moved. Of course they are going to do the easier job of telling Jack wagon to stfu but now it's coming from the supervisor. I can control the coworker, but I can control myself, I can try to manipulate the situation. There might be other options depending on the situation like putting in earbuds and refraining from clubbing them like a baby seal.
But yeah, I agree. I think a person yells when they think they have no power over the situation. I grew up being yelled at all the time it's very easy for me to fall into that trap too and I understand how hard it is to not resort to that when I'm frustrated or overwhelmed. It gets 100x worse when I'm tired.