We visited my 83-year-old mom yesterday and let her know that we were going to use my dual citizenship to get to the UK to protect my queer daughter if Trump wins. She didn't like the idea but didn't say much. Then a short time ago I got this email.
Dear [MY NAME]
I know you are very worried about [DAUGHTER]'s safety if Trump wins. Here is what I want to say:
You have lived in a very privileged, unusual time with more stability than usual. People in the US and elsewhere have been able to say publicly who and what they are.
That was not true for much of history and for at least half of my life.
What did people do before?
They hid who they were, with few exceptions.
We are in a time of transition, and there may be no safe place in the world.
Certainly not England or Europe (both are becoming more fascist).
The best way to protect [DAUGHTER] is to teach her she may have to choose how public or private she is in the near future.
Up until now, you have helped her be public about who she is.
That privilege may be over.
And it may have given her a false impression.
If Trump wins, all of us are going to have to decide between resistance and safety.
To be safe, just obey the (new) rules.
Being hysterical just draws attention--the worst thing in a dictatorship.
Hiding can be literal (like building a false wall in your house) or political (like staying quiet and unobtrusive.)
Let's wait and see what happens in this election before deciding how to protect [DAUGHTER]..
Love,
Mom
Not only is my mother apparently blissfully unaware that queer people who were closeted got thrown in jail for it all the time anyway. She also seems to be unaware that my daughter has no problem telling people she's queer. She has no problem with me doing it and sharing things like pictures of her girlfriend with friends and family online.
Which means that Trump's administration could very easily figure out who she is.
But yeah, my mother thinks the solution to protecting my daughter from Trump is for her to go into the closet and hope no one finds out.
For fuck's sake. I know she's an old lady, but it's 2024.
What would she say if my daughter's mother was Latina? Wear pancake makeup and color contacts? Change her name to something not-Spanish?
I'm not even going to bother replying.
Just reading that makes me want to go nuclear.
My mother is somewhat conservative, from a religious standpoint, but she always emphasized to me growing up that resistance to tyranny and succor to the oppressed, even if you are the only one who sees it, is innately righteous. That you cannot ever stand silent and obey the rules just because 'that's how it's done'. You don't have to be a martyr, but you must never be a coward. And she emphasized this even in matters I disagreed with her on.
Not replying to this specific email is probably the best response you can give, in all respects.
If you suggested my mother was in any way conservative or bigoted, she would throw a fit.
I ran into that before with my parents. It hits hard when you realize they are just people with their own flaws.
What a snowflake
Fuck yes. Well put.