(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it").โ Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
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'tism shit, substance use
I can't believe how relatable your post is. I keep falling back into cycles of trying to do more for myself, feel incredibly overwhelmed, envious of others who find it much easier, which makes me more overwhelmed, which then makes me feel even more disabled compared to those around me, which makes me even more envious and on and on until I meltdown.Just had a meltdown again a couple of days ago because I spent a bit too much time (a few hours) on the bus in a single day, and the noise and the lights were too much I guess. Literally hitting my head a lot, hurting myself by hitting walls, crying, brain-full-of-bees sensation for hours, completely thought terminating state of being. I guess the fact that I've been able to cobble together some abstract thoughts about sexuality a couple days after while high as shit is... something... But in general, now I'm trying to give myself some time to recover, since my head and hands still hurt and I'm just trying to do my best to not have a repeat meltdown, which means trying my best to not think about these things too much in fear of going down another spiral ending in a meltdown. And the cycle repeats - my ADHD is driving me mad with angst for stimulation, while I try to "rest" because my autism is still reeling from the last time I attempted to that.
I don't know how this ends... I don't know how to be a functioning human being, for the sake of my own humanity and for the sake of all those desperately in need, who I desperately wish to give every spare drop of my life essence to.
sending you lots and lots of love
Thanks
Sorry for the late reply, I was up till like 5am
'tism/drugs/sobriety/addiction
I've been increasingly aware lately that I feel like a lot of the substance issues I've had over my life were unconsciously attempts at self medding to mask betterWhen I was a teen, it was heavy caffeine and nicotine use as uppers to try to force myself to have energy because I was severely depressed
Then it was booze in my late teens/twenties to numb myself and lower my inhibitions enough to have some amount of a social life and cope with feeling grotesque and magnetically repelled by existing in public
Now it's kratom as a pseudo-opiate to mellow out my panicky impulses and general anxiety
I'm in a better place than I used to be and healthier being dry, but I really think part of my neurodivergence is having Addict Brain even when I'm clean, and part of me needs some external chemical help to function at a basic level and I don't really know what to do about that or how to contextualize that
Like, conceptually I'd like to be Normal and straight edge if I could, but at the same time it's like, "well if you can't make the hormones you need to work right internally, store bought is fine too, right? Why not neuroactive chemicals too?" idk
Fwiw, I'm doing better today and have been better overall with no booze and kratom instead of my old Rx for anxiety meds that didn't interact great with me, it's just still really rough sometimes
np, life happens; same here
druqs
Yeah... I think I've probably been doing that for the past few years. At least I've mostly quit smoking in the past couple of months, so I'm pretty happy about that.
I keep coming back to the phrase "cheerful sobriety" as some kind of aspirational forever-goal, but I think I would only ever be able to get there with a lot of support from a medical system that doesn't despise me. In lieu of that being a thing, I'm not too unhappy with my current selection of aliments - I think the place I'm at with it is very understandable if I'm being fair to myself, even if it's not what I ultimately want.
It really is, stay strong for me comrade
Mine's more "white knuckled rage at how angry I am about everything" kind of sobriety so far but I'm working on it
It can be useful fuel for getting shit done and pushing myself to improve
Yeah I don't think the cheerful part can come without massive societal changes, at least for me. So yeah, it ends up being pretty rageful sobriety, if I do engage in it. It's definitely good if you can harness it for the power of getting things done