Easy rider

I gave my wife a ring made out of coconut. Cost me $2 and she instantly dropped it off the balcony if the resturaunt we were at. The Thai owner of the place climbed off the balcony into the boulder field underneath and spent 20 minutes looking for it. Even after I explained that it was only a cheap coconut ring. He said the price isn't the point, it's the memories!
He found it, what a legend.

Maybe they're telling people to go touch grass.

It just changes the direction of the cable so instead of sticking straight up the cable gets redirected and now is nearly behind the deck and flowing down.

I bought a sauna. Second hand from a guy who had it in his third floor attic 50 miles away. Had to dismantle it get it in the van than rebuild it on my lean to.
I then got myself a big old whiskey barrel for a cold plunge pool.
No regrets, a sauna straight after coming off the hill in wet weather is the best.

I started balding in my late teens. Shaved my head for the first time at 20. Never looked back. Wished I'd done it sooner.
Still remember an offhand comment from a girl who said I have a nice shaped head.
A quick once over with the clippers once a week and you're good.
Whatever you decided to do don't stress about it! I'm sure that will only make it worse.
Bonus: the freshly shaved head acts as velcro to keep your hat on during windy days!

If I recall correctly the fastest object ever was a manhole cover after an explosion. If it was sentient then it would be the fastest creature.
BRB, going to look up the incedent.
Edit: Here you go

I just got a new puppy and when she poops she starts facing one directing the turns 180 while pooping then scoots over to the side a bit to finish.
Is she broken? Should I do an RMA?

The lead engineer at a site I work on from time to time is on a 3 on 3 off rotation (weeks) on an offshore oil rig.
It turns out he was having to miss some of his trips because he had to 'look after his ailing father'.
It turns out he was spending this time working another lead engineer job, for the same oil company but in a different country.
He got away with it for months until some issue came up and he had to call into the office and they noticed his number was from another country, Saudi Arabia.
Haven't been back to that site in a while so I don't know what happened to him but he's certainly not working there any more.

My wife gave birth like this, right on the living room floor and my daughter came out in an egg. The whole thing happened so quick, the midwife only arrived a few moments before she dropped, lucky as she needed to cut the egg open and get my daughter out.
Meanwhile I was lying on the sofa with a broken leg trying to stop our cat from eating everything.

In that case Felix Baumgartner is the fastest human being.
With a top speed of 843.6 mike's per hour.
Ussain Bolt and suck it.
Edit: if the autocorrect mistake is funny, just leave tit as tit is.