Years ago, a coworker greeted me with "Happy 420!"

• Me: "Oh, I didn't know you celebrated Hitler's birthday."
• Him: "What?”
• Me: "April 20th was Hitler's birthday."
• Him: long pause and blank stare "I DIDN'T KNOW HITLER WAS A STONER DURHURHUR!"
• And then I got a new job.

Whatever, don't care. Won't be lured in to eat their crappy food. I could gather more sustenance from sunlight more cheaply and with better service. Bagged lunches unite!

30 Seconds to Jail

Shhhh I wanna hear the crazies

If they didn't put your name in all caps or something, you're good to go. Just walk up to the judge and explain during court. Ignore the bailiff, he won't tackle you.

Then they slide your silverware or straw over to you and say ...and there's that."

"Yes of course, that"

Holy shit that ui is poison on mobile

The bad thing about the newfangled Dyson ones is there isn't really a good place to put your dick

Did this professionally for a while. Carpet cleaners would largely go out of business overnight if everyone took their shoes off. Filthy animals.

If you want mushrooms, SHUT UP. If you want broccoli, what the hell is broccoli anyway? If you want something crazy like pineapple, I KILL YOU. If you like pepperoni and bullets, you've come to the right place.

I feel personally attacked here.

I bought the good beer tonight