this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

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submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by plinky@hexbear.net to c/the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net
 
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[–] SovietyWoomy@hexbear.net 120 points 3 months ago

MrBeast: I don't really understand for-profit prisons.

Democratic advisor: They're good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

Republican advisor: They're good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

MrBeast: I understand the issue now. I'm going to make it illegal to not watch every new video that I upload.

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 87 points 3 months ago (4 children)

For problems I’m ignorant in I’d have experts from the left and right advise me on them and try to find the middle ground that’s best for America

The right: Kill all trans people

The left: Don't kill any trans people

The middle ground: Kill half of the trans people

[–] Speaker@hexbear.net 38 points 3 months ago

Le epic bacon Thanos doctrine

[–] bumpusoot@hexbear.net 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

What I'm hearing is that the left should start demanding to double the population with exclusively trans people, effectively a -100% murder rate. Then the middle ground will be 0% and centrists can finally agree.

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Project Resurrect Every Trans Person from the Dead

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[–] Xx_Aru_xX@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago

Kill trans people... who are brown

[–] joaomarrom@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

especially since chuds have been laying into him lately on twitter on account of a close associate of his having come out as trans recently (or something like that, I only read that briefly)

so yeah, both sides, huh?

[–] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 68 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

every single guy who thinks that politics is solved by listening to the left and the right and then coming up with a solution that integrates both viewpoints so everyone is happy actually thinks they are the ubermensch and has a terminal case of solipsism if they don't immediately go "no wait that's fucking stupid that's probably been tried before"

[–] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 47 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

what a fucking novel solution. did you come up with that on your own. i bet you thought long and hard about that. i bet you did a lot of research to synthesize that

[–] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)

the idea that no one has yet come up with in question:

[–] Cowbee@hexbear.net 43 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The left wants healthcare, and the right wants genocide, lets meet in the middle and commit genocide without providing healthcare 👍

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 28 points 3 months ago

basically Biden is a political genius

[–] Skeleton_Erisma@hexbear.net 67 points 3 months ago
[–] GnastyGnuts@hexbear.net 55 points 3 months ago (1 children)

For problems I'm ignorant in I'd have experts from the left and the right advise me on them and try to find a middle ground that's best for America.

Didn't Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his "Cabinet of Rivals" or some shit. It sucked.

Wouldn't be buyable

Aren't there interviews with this guy where he practically presents himself as a machine that shuts down when it isn't doing something profitable? Like aren't there quotes from him where he talks about struggling with motivation and purpose if it isn't tied to making money? He seems almost exclusively driven by money, so I'm not sure I buy that he's not buyable.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Didn't Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his "Cabinet of Rivals" or some shit. It sucked.

It was a "team of rivals" and he snagged the idea from Lincoln lmao. I'm not smart enough to know for sure, but it probably sucked way back then, too

[–] SacredExcrement@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

Considering how Reconstruction went with it starting shortly after his death, I'm inclined to agree.

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[–] cogitase@lemmy.dbzer0.com 52 points 3 months ago

Experts on the left: Climate scientists. Experts on the right: Some deranged person shouting about HAARP on YouTube.

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 51 points 3 months ago (3 children)

What the fuck he's only in his early 20s?

doomer im getting old and I aint even that old.

[–] silent_water@hexbear.net 35 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Egon@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] GladimirLenin@hexbear.net 47 points 3 months ago

Gladiator battles for insulin mr-beast

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 41 points 3 months ago

he’s running
Mr Beast 2040, someone snag some domains for ransom

[–] lil_tank@hexbear.net 41 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

mr-beast I GIVE 10 000 DOLLARS IF YOU ENROLL IN THE MILITARY 🪖🎖️

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 39 points 3 months ago (2 children)

We should kill this guy with hammers, I'll tell you that right now

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] GoebbelsDeezNuts@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago

im officially adding NL to the only-good-gamer list

[–] Diuretic_Materialism@hexbear.net 37 points 3 months ago (2 children)

expert from the left and right

What fucking expert are on the right these days? All their ideological leaders are just random assholes who spout angry vibes.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] BlueMagaChud@hexbear.net 35 points 3 months ago

kelly Beastapartism

[–] CloudyConvent@hexbear.net 32 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Not right or left, President Beast stands for a third position

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[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

don't care about doing things just because my party says I should

You don't get to lead anything or make decisions without a mandate from people that believe you'll do what they want you to do.

[–] CloutAtlas@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Ideally there won't be a USA in 15 years.

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[–] Titou@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago

Macron be like

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"I'm solving the competition between left and right over voters by having left and right compete over me."

Purest borgor brain.

[–] plinky@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago

mr-beast sold, to the highest bidder, gentleman with the top hat

porky-happy

[–] Moss@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago

Ah fuck I accidentally lathed this into existence. This one's on me, sorry everyone

https://hexbear.net/post/2810541

[–] mayo_cider@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

The experts on the right want genocide and bigotry, the experts on the left advice against it, we'll compromise and do a gay genocide (like with rainbow guns, not killing gay people (unless they are on the wrong side))

[–] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

(Brace noise)

mr-beast stalin-gun-1stalin-gun-2

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

This coming from the guy who feels uneasy spending time with his girlfriend because it doesn't make his channel more profitable.

[–] Delphinium@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

The revolution will get it's funding when the vanguard complete the obstacle course Mr. Beast built in his backyard! But watch out, those zanny bipartisans are on patrol to make sure you don't step out of party lines!

[–] Civility@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago
[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

Love having an endless list of celebrities to pick from for my president, very healthy democracy!

[–] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago

Mr Beast has achieved the Platonic level of political-philosophical development!

Only about another 2.5 millenia to go before he catches up. Look out world, here he comes.

[–] spacecadet@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago

Pathetic, spineless. Take a stand on something you coward

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