It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
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Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.
Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.
Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.
Jehovah's Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that's a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.
Damn. Everyone else to hell?
Nah. One of the very few things to the JW's credit, they don't believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.
Only the dogs go to heaven.
Good news if you're short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.
If heaven is full of Christians I'm choosing hell
As I always said, considering the requirements, heaven must be the most boring place to end up.
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I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.
"Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven." reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.
And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.
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Tall people? Believe it or not, hell
Average height? Straight to hell.
Tapping doesn't do it for me
Thought I got it working, oh well its just the guy from parks and rec who says "straight to jail"
So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?
The full list.
If you're going anyway you don't want to miss out on any of the fun.
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"You must be this tall to enter heaven." Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.
So says the church of Google.
🙏
Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?
Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.
i got a scar tattooed over in 2021 and have several more scars i'd like to do the same with, i'm currently sitting here drinking and being under 6', and also i don't believe in heaven so i'm super fucked. who's with me
Funny how we can’t go to heaven for all these “sins” and yet the Bible stars that Jesus died for all out sins before they happen.
Once again the Bible is proven as a joke. I hate how they believe the fairy tales in the book, but they won’t believe what is right in front of there eyes. Friggin bigots.
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At this point, it sounds like heaven will only be full of boring prudes. Hell is where the party is at.
Death metal and rains of blood I can get behind. Checkers and prayer, not so much.
Tall untattooed vegetarian teetotalers won't go to heaven either.
Where’s the short cut-off?
Ohh shit. They got me with drinking. I should have started using drugs when I had the chance.
How much is too much?
Not sure what's more stupid
Googling this
Or
Believing it
God: "we don't need any manlets in heaven! Get your short ass out of here!"
I've been seeing a lot of google search results snaps lately. Most if not all must be jokes, right? This one at least.. Inb4 I'm not using google to check for myself...
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The list of people that can reach Heaven is very short, probably on purpose.
Randy Newman is fucked
Oh no, I'm a short dude who loves bacon, beer, and has a single tattoo...
Anyway,
Lmao
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