ADHD Women

1. Writing everything down. I have to write EVERYTHING down, immediately. Anything with a date/time goes into that day in my planner. Things without date/time go onto Google Keep on my phone. Then I figure out what to do with it all at the end of the day.

2. Using a planner - yes, I know. It's very hard to use a planner with ADHD. I finally figured out how to do it for myself when I was around 35. I still can't use electronic calendars consistently. And I don't need bells and whistles that some planners have, like goals and stuff. Just dates and times.

3. Education and self-compassion. I learned a lot just by reading things online, and then later I also went to grad school and became a therapist (obviously you don't need to do that in order to be able to educate yourself about ADHD). Once I knew more about ADHD, I understood just how much it affected my whole life, from childhood. And then I started to try and not be so hard on myself and treat myself with respect and understanding. It really helps.

I went to a psychiatrist due to me suspecting that I have PMDD. From that first session, psychiatrist asked me to fill out a test for ADHD. That was August or last year. My mental health was absolutely horrible and I might have a week tops where I'd feel OK. Now I'm taking birth control continuesly with no breaks which has done wonders for my mental health. Apparently, PMDD is common to find in menstruating people who live with ADHD or are on the Autism spectrum.

Other than getting my mental health out of the dark circle of severe depression, the ADHD meds has helped a lot with my everyday life. I'm not as exhausted as I used to be now that my brain isn't running on overdrive, and the executive dysfunction isn't looming over me, stressing me out.

We're also now certain that my mother has ADHD. I recently explained Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (I know from experience she suffers from this) and she was shocked!

Understanding that I am not broken or defective and being patient with myself. This is my normal. I don't have to be like other people. I just have to adapt to the world around me, even though it's a struggle sometimes. My memory is awful so I take a lot of notes in my phone. I research about mental health because I struggle with major depression and have learned to understand why I do the things I do.

What helped me the most was finally finding a diagnosis that made sense of my issues. I had male friends who had ADHD and I did not see myself in their symptoms. Finding out that women exhibit ADHD differently changed my life. I'm high functioning, but it's always with such great effort that I'm often wiped out at the end of the day. Now I understand why.

As other people have mentioned: the biggest help has come from notetaking, writing things down. I have a magnificent memory, but it's all packed tight with strange and arcane information that doesn't help me when I'm at the store and forget to remember what groceries I need to buy or that I'm out of cat food.

I've also learned that the act of physically writing things down on paper is even more effective for me. Digital devices (and I'm a computer programmer) are too easy for me to fall down the rabbit hole with. I'll pick up my device and I'll do 10 other things I want to do on it other than record my note! I've also learned that the fancy planners and stickers and washi tape are all big distractions and lead me to hyperfocus on the prettifying and not give any attention to the actual information dump I need to do. Even the choice of writing implements (fountain pen? Sharpie? pencil?) can derail me, so I've picked a common pen for my note-taking that I can easily replace. All the GTD (Getting Things Done) and Bullet Journal stuff was nice for giving me the idea of a structure, but again, the details of the methodology tended to block my flow, so simple bulleted lists. Everything gets a date. Bullets for ideas, thoughts. Checkboxes for things that need to get done. Small, do-able steps, so I feel a sense of accomplishment at finishing something.

Also, learning to forgive myself was also key. I can't be perfect, I can't always do everything right the first time, no matter how much research my hyperfocus makes me do. I don't have to finish every project; I'm allowed to let it go. On other projects, if I make a little forward progress, it's something worth celebrating, not castigating myself for not finishing right away.

I'd agree with basically all of the things you said.

I'd add just general acceptance or at least trying to remind myself to accept that I need what I need, my brain works the way it does and progress is messy and not linear.

Part of that is also accepting that what works might not work forever. ADHD makes me constantly have to adapt my tools and change what I use to help keep myself organised. It is in my nature to flit from one thing to another and difficult to be consistent but rather than fighting it I think it is OK to go with it. For example, one month the bullet journal is my thing. I will rave about it, research it, proclaim it is saving my life and then all of a sudden it drops off and it is something else that is now the new thing. That's okay.

Also..trying to train myself out of all or nothing thinking / complete on or off mode. For example, in the past I'd either madly tidy the entire house or gradually let it become worse and worse until it's horrendous to live in. Actually letting myself mentally off the hook helps me be better at this. For example, I didn't wash the dishes today? That's okay, no biggie. I know I can do it... I'll just do it tomorrow. Previously I'd allow one perceived failure to prompt me to spiral into never doing that thing again.