this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2024
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Line go up (lemmy.world)
submitted 7 months ago by Ultragigagigantic@lemmy.world to c/politicalhumor@lemmy.world
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[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 62 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Here's how it works at my job:

Monday- "We came in as the number one provider of our particular service in the nation for the 10th year in a row! Let's spend $100,000 to force everyone to meet in person in a smelly convention center at 7am to CELEBRATE!"

Tuesday- "WE NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK! YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO START SELLING MORE! DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN WANT A CHRISTMAS BONUS THIS YEAR??? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT OUR NUMBER ONE COMPETITOR IS STILL IN BUSINESS AND NOT COWERING BENEATH US YET???? UNTIL THEY GO BANKRUPT AND WE CAN LAUGH AT THEIR CRIES OF SORROW WE ARE IN PANIC MODE!!!!"

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 29 points 7 months ago (2 children)

For the first time in my life finishing a project was just rewarded with a pizza party. It’s desperate times despite the record profits.

[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

It's always "desperate times". Otherwise they don't trust the workforce to actually do their jobs.

I know my work is so baffled when they actually have someone with a passion for the job. Despite being amazing and super easy to "manage", they've managed to screw over some of our best to drive them to leave while favoring some exceptionally mediocre people. Sycophants, braggarts, and people who generally game the arbitrary crap prevail over passion and talent.

So manufactured crises to get people to thrash around and give some appearance of "value", for lack of being able to understand let alone retain good workers.

[–] wewbull@feddit.uk 2 points 7 months ago

I've got this right now. Sales missed their targets by 90% last year. Engineering putting all our effort into new products, hitting goals, etc and minimal money to go around at annual reviews and bonus time.

[–] danc4498@lemmy.world 51 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Record profits and all time high stock price… great time for layoffs!!!

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

Record profits are terrifying for people whose job it is to make sure profits are even higher next quarter.

They slash jobs for the temporary bump while they hunt for a new company.

[–] Noite_Etion@lemmy.world 28 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

"Congratulations everyone, due to your hard work and dedication we have reached record breaking sales this year! So to thank you for hard work and dedication we have ordered 5 pizzas for 20 people... Enjoy!" - Some dickhead manager who makes more money than 10 employees combined.

[–] ITypeWithMyDick@lemmy.world 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)

5 pizzas? Tell them youre having a pot luck and make them bring their own food. Great way to celebrate while saving money. Think of the company profits!

[–] Noite_Etion@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

Make a contest out of it, eat free food provided by your drones and judge their cooking while you're at it. First place prize is 20 minutes in lieu!

Oh and the manager's dish won... Again.

[–] PoopDelivery@sh.itjust.works 20 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I worked at a MSP as a tier I tech that was like this. Their yearly revenue was like $360 million dollars and they held quarterly meetings telling us about the big promotions for upper levels, and how they're doing better than ever because of remote work due to the pandemic. They paid people starting $16 an hour. I was making $18 when I left. A 1 bedroom was about $1200 a month, and that was on the lower end. I kept asking for more and telling them I could work at a gas station and make the same. They bought us pizza once a week and they'd take us to a bar a couple times a year and my bosses would get shit faced. When "important" people came they had nice food catered and made us stay in cubicle land until everyone left and we were allowed to have the scraps. They still wanted us to dress up, though. Fuck corporations. I'm trying to leave the one I'm in now.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

Back in the '90s I worked for an Internet startup that was still in the phase of desperately seeking another round of venture capital financing to keep going. At one point they were trying to suck up to RJR Nabisco's venture capital wing (tobacco companies made SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY that they spun off into fucking venture capitalism) and they were invited to visit our office one day. Our building was non-smoking (which was even in our lease) but that day we had set out ashtrays and these fucking RJR Nabisco suits literally chain-smoked all day. There was so much cigarette smoke that you couldn't see to the end of the main hallway. I made a point of coughing theatrically every time I passed the conference room doors and I was finally ordered to go home after lunch. It was obvious they were never going to give us any money or I'm sure I would have been fired.

I like to think that these RJR Nabisco bastards are all long dead from cancer or emphysema at this point.

[–] De_Narm@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago

Well, they can't afford to because otherwise they wouldn't have a new record and their shareholders would be sad. The line must go up.

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 months ago

Working in government has its perks in that when my managers did a party I knew it was out of their own pocket or a collaborative venture. So the potlucks were actually kind of nice, even the simple ones.

But even then there was always the heat of some libertarian demanding access or a full account and receipts for everything because they stood in line at the assessor's office for an hour once and now need to scrutinize every tax dollar as a profession.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 4 points 7 months ago

Remember; steal everything you can!

Office supplies, code, IP, customers, you name it!

[–] raoulraoul@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

From the "It'd Be Funny If It Weren't True" Dept. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Love, r^2^
!detroit@midwest.social ☆ !michigan@midwest.social ☆ !music@midwest.social

[–] mojo_raisin@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

This is what happens when people can't or don't stand up for themselves.

There's no safety nets so most are unable to safely do so without risking their (and often others) well-being, this is by design.

It changes when better people run for office and inspire more to vote for them. You don't millions, AOC may not be your fave but her model worked.