Am I the Asshole?

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AITA for telling my wife that I didn't sign up to be parent and suggesting her brother live somewhere else? (lemmit.online)

submitted 1 year ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/AmItheAsshole@lemmit.online

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BabyFine9468 on 2023-08-03 02:04:00.

My (25M) wife (24F) comes from a large religious family in like rural Mississippi. Her dad's a pastor and both her parents were/are abusive. She got away through college. Her baby brother Lucas (15M) was outed a few months ago by his abusive bf and their parents kicked him out.

We went and got him and he's been staying with us over the summer. We discovered he's an alcoholic a coping mechanism to deal with his parents and his bf.. Now I feel for the kid I do but both me and my wife agreed on no kids. I never wanted to be a parent. Now I'm doing parent things like driving him to AA and therapy sessions. Taking him to and from summer school etc. I had to get rid of all my alcohol and my wife is looking for schools closer to us for the fall. I try to hide it but I'm pretty sure Lucas can tell that I' don't like playing dad and he kinda shys away from me..

I guess sometime recently he confided into my wife that he thought I didn't like him and that I didn't want him there. She confronted me about it last night and told me she noticed it too. I told her I never signed up to be a dad and she never discussed with me about him permanently staying with us. This started a huge argument about how I have no empathy about what hes going through and how she couldn't just leave her brother.

I brought up that they have other family and that he just roper me into taking care of a teenager. I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. AITA?

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[–] supper_time@lemmy.fmhy.net 1 points 1 year ago

In my opinion, no, you are not the asshole. But neither is your wife or her brother. Though it may not seem to your wife and/or your brother-in-law that you are being kind since it is very subjective, you have every right to not want to take on responsibility that you never signed up for. Did you marry your wife or your wife’s family? This may depend on how much was discussed and/or planned beforehand, and viewpoints will vary. I’m supposing you didn’t marry your wife with her brother in tow, so it’s not surprising that you take issue with caring of him. Dealing with family can be difficult especially when it’s not your family. One thing to consider is how you would deal with the situation if he was your brother and not hers. And you may have a completely different approach to the situation. I think the most important thing is to have an open conversation about your feelings about the situation with your wife to decide how things proceed. This may be something where he needs the support for some time, but an end date should be in order. Good luck.