this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
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Programmer Humor

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Move fast and break things.
Merge vulnerabilities.
Double the work.
Merge code without tests.
Anything, but don't let code become stale.

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[–] will_a113@lemmy.ml 216 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Having a hard time determining whether this is sarcasm or not. Then I see the phrase "JavaScript Engineer" and become doubly confused.

[–] RonSijm@programming.dev 77 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I don't think it's satire, this guy is actively defending this on Linkedin: https://i.imgur.com/SlJPG85.png

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.

-- Kurt von Hammerstein

LinkedIn is Facebook for that last type.

[–] Aviandelight@mander.xyz 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's a relief because I thought I'd stumbled into LinkedIn Lunatics for a hot second.

[–] termus@beehaw.org 18 points 1 year ago

Linkedin is for lunatics. Just a bunch of goobers giving digital handjobs to each other.

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[–] Quik@infosec.pub 40 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think the latter makes clear that this is a joke account, doesn’t it?

[–] Theharpyeagle@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Node: "Am I a joke to you?"

[–] simple@lemm.ee 117 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Having to go through the process of merging hurts morale and slows performance. Give everyone on your team the right to force push to master.

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 35 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Yes, especially the newbies who don't know what they're doing.

[–] SpeakinTelnet@programming.dev 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Keep everyone awake and on their toes.

[–] EatYouWell@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago (3 children)

You're not truly part of the team until you cause a massive outage.

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[–] pec@sh.itjust.works 87 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Stop transfering people from sales to engineering!

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

But Elon's annoying!

[–] sirdorius@programming.dev 74 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I really wish LinkedIn would add an anonymous cringe emoji. I would use it on like 90% of the content on that site.

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[–] rainynight65@feddit.de 64 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'm having a hard time figuring out whether this guy is a fucking moron or a fucking idiot.

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[–] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 51 points 1 year ago (3 children)

No integration is as continuous as editing in prod.

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[–] VantaBrandon@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I just commit directly to master with auto-deploy like a real cowboy, yee-haw!

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[–] notannpc@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Amateur. You want real performance? Code in prod. Literally could not be better for collaboration to have the whole team working directly from production servers. Best part? You get INSTANT feedback.

[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 year ago

Another benefit is you never have to worry about merge conflicts

[–] SkyNTP@lemmy.ca 42 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

What does "stale code" even mean in this context?

Does that mean it falls behind stable? Just merge stable into your branch; problem solved.

Or is this just some coded language for "people aren't adopting my ideas fast enough". Stop bitching and get good.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Do we have a Linked In Lunatics sub on Lemmy?

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[–] bleistift2@feddit.de 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My old boss (at a sturtup with some ten ppl) loved to do this. When you’re done with your work, merge to master. Boss-man would then revert the commits if he didn’t like the result. Since the branches all were merged, no-one knew what was actually in prod. Fun times.

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[–] dannym@lemmy.escapebigtech.info 32 points 1 year ago

If somebody actually did that it would be grounds for removing their privileges to merge into master. THIS, THIS is why the JavaScript ecosystem has gotten so bad, people with mentalities similar to his.

[–] Manifish_Destiny@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

'i help JavaScript engineers become framework architects by getting them forcibly reassigned.'

[–] VantaBrandon@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Better yet just edit files live on prod from Notepad (not plus plus) over Samba for "xtreme moral" boost

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[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

This is why I include those preservative libraries in my projects. My code doesn't go stale for a whole three weeks longer.

[–] debil@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I dunno but xtreme programming sounds like something straight outta Musk's wettest teenage day dreams.

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[–] PepeLivesMatter@lemmy.today 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Developers: "Move fast and break things."

Things: break

Developers: surprised Pikachu face

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[–] okamiueru@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is satire, right? Surely no one would put their name on that publicly?

Like someone working in a kitchen boasting about a life hack of not wasting time with hygiene.

[–] DudeDudenson@lemmings.world 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wash your hands after cooking, never let food products sit stale

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[–] Anders429@programming.dev 21 points 1 year ago

Bet you $50 we later learn this guy was orchestrating a supply chain attack.

[–] silencioso@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Before everyone loses their minds, in Extreme Programming there are safeguards other than PR reviews. Before you submit a PR, you are supposed to have written the tests and to have written your code with pair programming, so your code already has some safety measures in place. On top of that, when you merge and deploy, more tests are run, and only if all of them are green do your changes go into production.

[–] redcalcium@lemmy.institute 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pair programming? Then the code is already reviewed.

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[–] RageAgainstTheRich@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (7 children)

What in the shit is "xtreme programming"?

[–] cypherix93@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

it's NewGame+ for when you 100% programming

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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At my company we're so agile that we directly deploy branches from developers' local machines to customers for A/B testing.

[–] TheFerrango@lemmy.basedcount.com 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Call it “container orchestration” and charge an extra 20% to the customer

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[–] LiveLM@lemmy.zip 18 points 1 year ago

LinkedIn "influencers" are insufferable, dear god

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 18 points 1 year ago

I help JavaScript engineers become framework A...

ssholes.

[–] fosforus@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That would certainly explain some things in the nodejs culture.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If you’re working in a context where it’s okay to make mistakes so long as they get fixed later, you’re not working on anything important.

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[–] Nighed@sffa.community 15 points 1 year ago

Kinda acceptable if you have a slow release cadence. Everything needs to be reviewed and fixed/accepted (with defect/US raised) before production though.

Needs to be in a smaller team with decent Devs too though!

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 14 points 1 year ago

It’s insane to me that gitflow won over TBD and Continuous Integration to the point that this is now considered an extreme position. Not all projects are open source with many remote collaborators.

[–] gatelike@feddit.de 14 points 1 year ago

this made my heart rate go up a little bit in a way that doesn't feel good

[–] DefinitelyNotAPhone@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago

Nothing improves morale like the on-call having to unfuck production for the third time that hour because mUh VeLoCiTy decided code review and testing in CI was too slow.

Techbros are fucking cultists.

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