this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2023
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[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 33 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The whole world is turning into incels. Its not that there is no one to fuck but that everyone has crippling social anxiety.

[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Marxists would say that this is a symptom of alienation, that industrial society under capitalism has isolated individuals from their communities, broken up the extended family, and divorced the worker from the fruits of their labor.

[–] protist@mander.xyz 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I think it has more to do with concrete changes to how people socialize over the past 15 years, namely smartphones and the internet. People seek community through the internet but are functionally isolating themselves, and as irl relationships fade or never happen, they stay online more, which becomes a positive feedback loop. They develop social anxieties only because they have no experience with or are not used to socializing irl

[–] bouh@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

My take : society needs to adapt to the status of women. We went from a society where women could only get a life through marriage to a society where they have to work and don't need to be married. This changes how men and women interact together, and we need to invent new ways around romance and dating.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I was a shut in once and started going out. I’m still not good at it, but I’m getting better. I can’t go back to being a shut in. I need my in person socialization on a regular basis.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You saw that you were in plato's cave. But the majority of people either just haven't figured out that online socializing is an illusion or they aren't self aware enough to ever figure it out.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It isn’t necessarily an illusion. I have very real friendships thanks to the internet, but it’s insufficient on its own and lacks key components that your brain needs. It’s like junk food, you may feel like you’re getting everything, and it may be giving you some of what you need, maybe even in over abundance. But it needs to be part instead of most of all.

And yeah I talk about this openly for a reason. For those feeling alienated and isolated, there is hope and it starts by going to things and standing awkwardly in the corner until you either work up the courage to talk to someone or someone talks to you. And you just keep doing it.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah you should. Massive benefits. I got friends and a wife out of it

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago

And good on you. I am glad you were able to break out of your depressive spiral.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

The internet was able to trick people into thinking they were socializing when they were actually alone in their room all day.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago

Arch users say this means you should install Arch btw

[–] gandalf_der_12te@feddit.de 4 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I believe that capitalism, in fact, encourages the isolation of the individial. After all, isolated individuals don't make solidarity (i.e. unions).

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[–] Lamb@lemmy.zip 24 points 1 year ago

Add unrealistic standards of what a human body is which exponentially grew due to the ease of use of filters and "angle-frauding". I went out on a date with a guy who completely edited his skin and some features to a point where I didn't recognize him. I keep seeing very clearly edited pics. I feel like the weird one out to solely use unedited recent pics.

[–] TheControlled@lemmy.world 30 points 1 year ago

That's how I felt before I tried to kill myself. Relief. I hope OP was actually having a breakthrough instead.

[–] Damaskox@kbin.social 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Reminds me of my favorite Kurzgesagt video: Optimistic Nihilism

.

It is said that comparing yourself to others is not a good idea. Instead, compare yourself to your old self.

.

Sometimes you can find peace in the strangest ways and places!

[–] smollittlefrog@lemdro.id 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But what if I'm doing worse than my old self

[–] Damaskox@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

Gotta think about the reasons and doing something about it then 🙂

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Embracing the solitude after 7 years of a toxic relationship has been a blissful realization i tell ya hwhat.

I feel like i am finally my true self instead of having to conform to someone else's notion of what a "boyfriend" should be. I turned 30 this year and i dont think ive peaked yet. The best is yet to come and my confidence is sky high.

Sorry ladies, I'm taken. By the handsome man above my bathroom sink.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

God do I envy your mindset. I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to strangle the ugly pile of human trash that I see reflected back at me.

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago

Go easy on him, hes doing his best

[–] Rooskie91 2 points 1 year ago

Loving yourself is hard. I used to think, "I just need to change/improve, then I'll be someone I can love," but I realized that is putting the cart before the horse. You can't change or improve until you love yourself, because the reality is that when you change or improve, you are still the same person you were, just with new skills, a new haircut, new clothes, whatever. That person you hate never goes away. You just have to love them as they are, and accepts their shortcomings and flaws.

[–] weeabooextract@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

To paraphrase a certain 20h YouTube video:

"This isn't bargaining, this is acceptance. Goodbye, ~~Skyrim~~ life."

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago

Skyrim was a fun sandbox, but had as good writting as gary's mod.

[–] spudwart@spudwart.com 11 points 1 year ago
[–] JamesStallion@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago

Parted from kin, banished to a lonely place, I wonder why my heart feels so little anguish and pain.

Consulting Zhuang Zi (daoist writer), I find where I belong. Surely my home is there in Not-Even-Anything land.

Po Zhou Yi, 815 AD.

[–] cmysmiaczxotoy@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

As an autist in solitude for 8-9 years who has had a long term romantic relationship for 7-8 years. The overall happiness level for me has been slightly better single and abstinent. There are positives and negatives from both ways of life but happiness does usually equalize

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

solitude is the highest state of human existence

Why bother with the human experience, after all, if we're doomed to eventually forget it?

[–] dipshit@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Nothing better than solitude.

[–] havokdj@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Acceptance is the final stage of grief

[–] Pharmacokinetics@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Well yeah dont feel sad about them but still work to find love.

[–] Gamerman153@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This man is halfway to Nirvana already

[–] motor_spirit@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

sick demo tape name

[–] badaboomxx@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

After a couple of bad relationships, I stopped caring about getting married, it took a weight off my back.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

He's gonna catch so much trim now.

[–] DahGangalang@infosec.pub 1 points 1 year ago

Bruh, that's how Odium wins though

[–] tjarod11@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

The more men who give into being single, the better my chances are. Imagine if I were to make this man feel wanted. If we're compatible as well, we could be happy.

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Meh, I just found some locals in the SW community, turns out being good with your mouth makes you a well liked enough client to start making legit friends

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Southwest? Smith and wesson? Sherlock and Watson?

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

Sex workers.

[–] Iapar@feddit.de 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Exactly. Just don't mention jar jar binks and you find friends in no time.

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Don't mention him, but having a tongue like his tho...

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

That's it, your speaking privileges are revoked

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