Chat

I'm disheartened. As a Jordanian/Palestinian/American, it's hard to live in a country where the government and the general populace openly and unabashedly wants you and your whole family to die. Seeing people justify the atrocities committed by the Israeli government and military is just disappointing more than anything.

I really do love America, and I don't take for granted how lucky my family has been to even have the opportunity to migrate here (I know plenty of people who would do anything to live here!) But it hurts when America doesn't love you back.

My dog passed suddenly this past weekend. He was throwing up and had other stomach issues so I took him to the vet Thursday. He stayed overnight getting IV fluids and waiting on bloodwork. Friday morning I get word that he had acute renal failure and he basically couldn't make it without a week at an ICU, to the tune of $1000/day and 25% chance of survival, after which he'd get maybe a bad 6-8mo before dying. Next morning we took him to the vet and that was it. It's getting a little better everyday but I miss him so much.

I have decided to be a lot nicer on the internet as a result, at least. I think I've allowed the natural toxicity that emerges in online discussions to really seep into how I talk to people. I've been really trying to be aware of it and to be the person he knew I could be. He was the best. I loved him so, so much y'all.

Talk about bad geopolitical takes. I had to endure a hell of a lot this last weekend at the (Canadian) Thanksgiving dinner table.

Better than last week in that I feel almost back to normal. Never had a chest infection before (that wasn't Covid) but it was like being hit by a truck, wonder if having had Covid twice makes me more susceptible to these things now. Or maybe I'm just getting older.

I will know if I have a future at my work by the end of the week which is slightly nerve wracking. My job is safe but due to the restructure my salary is protected only until April, when it decreases by a fair bit. I am handing my notice in after Christmas if management don't agree to keep my salary at the same level as I've worked too long and hard there to be treated like shit salary wise. Hoping it won't come to that but we'll see. Meeting management this week and making my case as it's budget time.

I am legally a woman now. There is no way to tell otherwise using social security infos etc.

I've been waiting to have my first blood test where my levels would be compared to those of women (you know for any actual relevancy in the comparison)

Yet the manager of the closest lab - whom I have known for years - deemed necessary to ask their IT to be able to override the civility and gender. And she felt forced for some reason to keep my birth sex even though it doesn't appear anywhere.

What gets me the most is that she thought she was being benevolent when she was never asked to do that.

I regret accepting this situation and proceeding with the blood test. I should have gone elsewhere.

Planned surgery happened this week. Unlike the last time where they blew two IVs (currently wait listed end of October for this). Was supposed to be only one night stay but the doctor kept me a second night due to an overabundance of caution. Currently waiting for them to come check on me in the morning and hopefully finally let me go. I'm off pain meds, been walking, passing gas, and bleeding has pretty much entirely stopped. I can't think of any reason they'd keep me here but hoping to leave soon so I can actually get some rest.

My week is ok. We celebrated our 14th anniversary last weekend, which was nice. The kids got to stay with grandma and we had a whole weekend to go out and enjoy ourselves. I love my kids but it's really nice to get away from being a parent once in a while and just enjoy an extended period of couple time.

I'm fine, very worried about my Israeli friends though. They're a straight couple with kids and were already looking to emigrate because of the current government, but now that's been kind of put on hold because the guy got drafted :( rest of the family left the country so I'm just praying they'll be reunited. Not much else I can do I think.

I am also pretty upset about geopolitics. It feels like the majority have been conditioned to have such a strong bias and are incapable of any kind of introspection. If we all approached such topics with the willingness to learn from each other and hear different perspectives maybe things would be different. Unfortunately I can't solve the world's problems this week. Maybe next week?

Otherwise, I am dating, but meeting new people and assessing fit is a challenge.

Not sure in which language I've heard the saying: "people have more political takes than buttocks".

Answering the top question: this week's been shit.

I've started physio rehab last week, my appointments are in a clinic that has no easy public transport access (as in, no way for me to reach it without falling over on the way) and nobody could take me, so had to ask for an ambulance service, which takes an extra hour to go and come back, and makes me feel like an ass wasting an ambulance ride someone else could be using, or just save on the gas... but it does get me someone to lean on and catch me if I were to fall.

After the first few sessions, this Saturday turned out I could no longer stand up, at all. Was told it could be normal, but they'd check come Monday. After spending most of the weekend laying down, indeed it did get somewhat better, and I was ready for my painkiller fueled walk of shame ambulance ride... only to learn this week they're on strike, and nobody bothered telling me. Had to rush to get a taxi at the last moment, since missing one of these sessions means it's gone; miss three and they kick you out of the program. Come Tuesday, I got my taxi ride to the clinic... only to find out the elevator was broken (physio rehab is on a high 3rd floor, nice planning), and the stairs were just being painted, covered in papers with splatters of fresh paint. Some people (in wheelchairs, or with crutches) just didn't make it today.

On the "bright" side, also got my cardiologist appointment, who got out a green marker to circle out how my results have "not gotten worse" over the last year... and told me to eat healthy and walk more (🤦), because otherwise "we might lose you soon" (geez, at least thanks for the green marker 😐).

Still can't do shit, neither at home or otherwise, and none of the other problems (family, work, housing, other health issues) have seen any improvement. Watching the current geopolitical issues, at times I wonder how nice would it be to switch places with some of the innocent victims, be done with it all and let someone else have a try... but we're each stuck in our f-d up roles in the theater of life.

The same scream I had last week is ongoing this week. My life is just screaming in powerless rage.

Group projects at university suck. There is exactly two of us in the team who are doing pretty much all the work. I've got one team member who does nothing, and another who half-does everything badly. I've given up asking him to redo the stuff he fucks up. It's less time and effort to just fix it myself.

The children on the estate where I live suck. Constantly throwing rubbish in gardens, constantly throwing themselves in the path of moving vehicles. They found and destroyed an armchair last week. Fragments of its carcass are strewn around the area.

I want to live alone on an island. Preferably surrounded by fellow frogs.

My atomoxetine dosage has been increased which seems to be working, up to 75mg now and it seems like I might not be moved to a stimulant after all. But I'm still hoping to get a prescription for a low dose of stimulants for when I need actual focus rather than the current semi-focus atomoxetine gives me. Having to buy my pills from hong kong due to poor supply in the UK though which sucks.

This monday i have experienced my first earthquake so that was exiting for me and my cats they was on top shelf i dont know if they felt somehow something is comming although they go on that shelf offten but rarely together. Luckily no one was injured but there was some damage on buildings near epicenter i heard. In central europe it is very rare so buildings are not very optimized for this and this was strongest since 1930. As for other things in life i think i am fine mentally and financially and i am looking forward for when parts for my electronic project arrive. I am making lightswitches but with keyboard mechanical switches btw. I didnt want to post here anything so it will not look like i am flexing that nothing horrible happend in my circle thankfully but on the other hand this thread is going really dark so i hope i will bring some light to it.

I'm so depressed. I'm so sick of being disabled and useless and unable to work or make any money when everything costs money just to exist even without any quality of life. Everything is getting more expensive. Rent has gone up, the insurance they now require is more costly, the bank fucked up the auto payment so we had to pay late fees, the electricity bill is ridiculous (we're not the only one in these apartments whose electricity bill is suddenly ridiculous) and we're already late paying it and only have a few days left before we get shut off and violate our lease, local utility help can't help us because they either don't have any funds or we already used them in the past year, and I have NO idea how we're gonna come up with the rest of the 300 something fucking dollars as mom and I are both disabled and her son is a mooching piece of shit who doesn't contribute a lick despite not being disabled whatsoever. But he's mommy's little baby boy, so he gets to do what he wants. God I'm so sick of this. I feel like I need a rich fairy god mother to wave a magic wand and solve all my problems. I'm in so much pain I haven't slept for two days. I'm sick of this.

I know other people have it a lot worse than me, though... I shouldn't be bitching, but I'm a weak and whiny little idiot of a useless weenie. Bleh. Why do I have to exist when I've never wanted to my whole life? It's not fair.

The world is insane. A friend of mine died of cancer. And I've had some kind of flu/cold for a week.

On the bright side, I finished my Becky Chambers' books, fixed the extruder on my 3D printer and made the last plum pie of the season. I so wish this was the kind of daily life all human beings enjoy.

Am into my second week of regular gym workouts. Have also added in some extra workouts and am feeling a bit sore/stiff.

Bear in mind the last time I did serious exercise/gym time was when I was in the army - and I left that in 1997!

No weight loss showing yet.

I know it's going to be hard work but at 66 years old and being far too heavy, I really need to put in some effort. Alcohol intake is right down and I'm almost vegan and usually eat healthy.

And I actually look forward to it!

General election day in Aotearoa. High chance of a right wing government that has made cutting my disability funding into one of its election promises.

With everything that's happening in the world it feels stupid to even be upset about it, but I am.

Edit: and the result is in, we now have the most right-wing government we had in years, so worse poverty is on the cards now.

Feeling really tired after having my parents stay for a few days and then going to a concert. I am only able to tolerate like 1 or 2 max extra things in a week so I'm struggling to finish this one out. Also struggling with guilt over distancing myself from an Israeli friend a little while ago (unrelated to the recent conflict there- I just felt drained by our communications). I checked in to see if she's okay but I don't really want to get back in touch. I feel like a shit person.

chuck (foster dog) is recovering well from his rear left limb amputation. took him to the vet to get his stitches out, but they’re not quite healed, so we have another appointment next week. he was cleared for a bath, so we’re heading out to do that now!

i had my teeth cleaned today and remembered to bring my headphones. spent a majority of my appointment listening to an audiobook, which made the appointment both quicker and less stressful. 😀

i’m dogsitting! it’s nice to be there for these two little guys who had been rescued from a neglect situation. it is sad to see how much human contact means to them, but rewarding to keep showing up and building trust.

Agreed about people shutting up! My week is been well I think!

Well I got COVID last week and it's still wearing off. My best friend and roomie of seven years moved out last week as well, so I'm living alone for the first time ever ☺️/😪

On the bright side I have cut my marijuana intake in half, drank one coke instead of 3-5 per day, and managed to eat three meals, for the past half week.

Mixed bag as it tends to be. Thanks for asking!

Most of our next door neighbors have moved out because the landlord is converting the place back to a single-family rental instead of a rotating set of (allegedly) college students. The one tenant remaining has been celebrating having the whole house to himself with loud music/lots of bass and late-night parties.

It's going to be a long month until he's gone -- if even then, because getting people out of your house is not a trivial thing to do if they don't leave on their own.

Here is an interesting take on geopolitics - apparently gpt doesn't like to joke about hamas being hummus any more, because it's a sensitivity issue to openai. This situation reminds me of that computer from demolition man that fines people for swearing, in the future. Really hope that's not where we are heading, or where we are.

I was having food poisoning diarrhea for 3+ days.

Sat on the throne several times a day, drank a lot of water / isotonic drinks, took activated charcoal, and slept a bunch until my back is stiff and sore.

This place no longer feels safe for me.

work has sucked ASS this week, in a capitalists-are-looting sense, but i finally made some new music again and i really like how it sounds so im riding that high

Anyone know of any good electronics Lemmys or discords? I feel enough motivation to start learning again but need places to look.

Good! I'm in a nice spot at work where I'm ramping down on one project and ramping up on another, so it's two very light tasks. Plus someone actually complimented my work, which is a nice change of pace.

I've been pissing around in Blender as a time killer, which has been fun. Not really good at drawing, so its nice to have a creative outlet that doesn't frustrate me as much like writing.

On the whole, the week is starting out kinda balanced. One of our rabbits, a buck I renamed "Aroo Banzai" when we got him at seven years old (his old name was just "Buck") passed away at the ripe age of 11. He's off continuing his adventures through the eighth dimension now, and it's the first time a member of our farm has passed on and I've been at peace with it.

This Friday marks my sixth anniversary with my wife, and the first Friday the 13th since our wedding. For the record, the processional was an orchestral rendition of Vampire Killer and the centerpiece for our table was that scene from Night of the Living Dead when the woman in the white dress crests the hill before the rest of the horde arrives. To keep up appearances, the centerpieces for our parents' tables was the carpet pattern from The Overlook, rather than the undead. Her Cousin is getting married this Saturday, the 14th, because his fiancée didn't want the bad juju from the thirteenth, and when I heard that I laughed because our venue wouldn't let us smash a mirror or have everyone walk under a ladder to get in 🤷.

It's looking like my best friend might not be able to make the trip out to see us this year; I traveled out to California two years ago to see him and we had started to make plans for him to come out to Maine but work and life seems determined to get in the way. I'm still hopeful it will happen this year, but it's a little disappointing that there seems to be a pattern that our friends are only able to visit during periods when the farm is not at full vibrancy.

Finally got my Ritalin xr prescription refilled after 2 weeks of waiting for my pharmacy and finally calling them only to be told that they canceled the refill because they couldn't source the ingredients.

... without telling me ...

Ended up having the script called in to Costco who filled it that day. Love that place.

Taking OpenShift training from RedHat. On day 4 of 4 and only today do they go into using OpenShift after 3 days of reasoning how to use docker/podman which is already what I do all day anyway.

aaaggghhh

Otherwise, doing well!

This week our chickens started laying. first chickens we've ever had so that is pretty exciting.

Also getting cold in Wisconsin now. Had a slight frost the night before so all of the tomatoes, peppers, etc we grow are done for the year.

However, the basil in prepping for basement hydroponics finally got their roots popping through so it's almost time.

Also, the microgreens I'm growing are 3 days away from harvest. The previous batch were delicious.

Aaaaand I've decided to try my hand at brewing beer. Going to pick up supplies this weekend.

The kombucha and water kefir I've been doing have been great throughout the spring and summer.

I'm okay. I'm trying to avoid the news cycle, for obvious reasons, which overall has probably been a net positive for me. I'm planning on switching to a new (to me) NAS this weekend, and I'll probably also be getting PiHole set up. The latter is going to be done on a Raspberry Pi 1B+, so that should be fairly interesting. There's a case printing for it at my local computer shop as we speak!

Edit: apparently it's actually a regular Pi B 512MB so now I have to print another, less fancy case 😭