this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2025
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 135 points 2 days ago

The only reason this counts as fiction is probably because noone asked him what he thinks.

[–] AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 118 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Yup, I ate this onion. I hate reality.

[–] HornedMeatBeast@lemmy.world 53 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I mean... he already said it about Ukraine, it is entirely possible he'd say this about Poland.

The problem is any mental thing people can make up is something he could easily have said.

If this was true, I'd just say yup. Sounds like something he'd say.

[–] endeavor@sopuli.xyz 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He's more likely to say that US fought on the wrong side in ww2.

[–] RedditRefugee69@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 2 days ago

Frog dissected.

[–] fallowseed@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

incidentally (or not) this underlines a deliberate function of trump's negotiation strategy-- to promote uncertainty which protects his position from precise scrutiny. this comes up in hypernormalisation a british docu as a deliberate part of putin's strategy- to keep your opponents always guessing.. its a form of obfuscation that we see in every day life when it comes to news media, social media, and so on- its a very common trick today and i think its as important as ever to get a handle on the material realities of the world under the cover of all this smoke.

[–] uranibaba@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

I also ate it. Was just about to scroll by when I say the community. 100% plausible thing for him to say.

[–] theacharnian@lemmy.ca 52 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We need to start calling it Maga America, in the same way we say Nazi Germany or Fascist Italy.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I think it should just be Trumpland.

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

That’s sounds too much like a fun little vacation where someone takes all your money. This is more like a nightmare of destruction that will take all your money

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 62 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Like it or hate it but imho the world would be a better place if those 2 assassins succeeded.

[–] dontbelasagne@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You know what they say. third time lucky.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I don't think that will stop project 2025 anymore. Would still be nice tho.

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

We'd need to retake the house and have 2 successful assassinations in a short enough period that a VP can't be confirmed, making the Speaker of the House POTUS.

It would be easier to just get a veto-proof majority in the 2026 elections, which is mathematically (if not realistically) possible in 2026, since 22 Republican senators are up for election.

Veto-proof majority would also be enough to remove Trump and Vance from office in January 2027.

The best we can realistically hope for is taking the House and Senate in 2026 and defunding anything Trump tries to do, followed by a massive recruitment drive in 2029 to rehire competent federal workers.

Long-term, we've established a need for a Constitutional Amendment to bring some level of plurality in the executive branch, with career secretaries and elected commissioners for each agency that are independent of and protected from the President.

[–] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

At that point we might as well give up on the union. There is no way the right won't just double down. Might be for the best though

[–] Makeitstop@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Given his age and physical condition, Trump could plausibly keel over on his own before his term is up.

It's also possible that the Dems could retake the House and/or Senate, and even without a veto proof majority, simply refuse to confirm any replacement VP nominee. Doesn't even have to be related to some desire to see the line of succession get invoked again, there would almost certainly be ample grounds to object to any nominee that Trump or Vance would pick.

[–] earphone843@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The first guy wasn't really an assassin, though. That one was set up

[–] curbstickle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Wasn't that the second?

I can't remember anymore aside from the best possibility for the future not happening.

[–] earphone843@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Which ever guy the SS let Trump stand there and pose for a picture right after being "shot".

Shot is in quotes because his ear was magically 100% normal a day later.

[–] piccolo@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Just a glitch in the matrix

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Still. There was at least 1 attempt then.

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

What, both of them?

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)
[–] _cryptagion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This feels like it could have actually been something he said. I feel like if you showed this article to his followers, without showing the site, they would nod their heads and agree that it's sage wisdom.

How fucked up is this timeline?

[–] Nalivai@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

That would require him knowing about history a bit, and that might be a stretch.
I am pretty sure in his mind WWII was that time when America, Hitler, and Putin won against hords of gay black people.

[–] robbinhood@lemmy.world 51 points 2 days ago

I genuinely didn't think it was satire when I saw the headline. Trump coming out and saying something like that is literally just par for course.

[–] SmokeInFog@midwest.social 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] houstoneulers@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It’s so believable considering how coke, ford, ibm, etc invested in germany at the time despite their regime.

Except in this case, Trump products would still be labeled Trump products.

[–] WhatYouNeed@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

This label?

[–] beejboytyson@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

This man basically declared war on Canada. I had to double take the sub.

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 16 points 2 days ago

Funny, the German equivalent to The Onion had the same idea today:

https://www.der-postillon.com/2025/02/ueberfall-auf-polen.html

[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I could 100% see him saying this

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

The funniest part of this is that he still blames the Central Park 5 for making a deal when the police coerced them into confessing. So even when someone does make a deal and suffers for something that wasn't their fault, he still blames them.

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 days ago

I'm having a hard time believing that this article is from The Onion.

[–] vrighter@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 2 days ago

i bit the onion, hard

[–] zephorah@lemm.ee 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

World War 1 and the global rise of fascism started World War 2. A mentally ill man at the helm in Germany didn’t help. Granted, I don’t think our mentally ill (Cluster B personality disorder) man has ever cracked a history text. He probably doesn’t even know of the existence of the Treaty of Versailles.

That said, my armchair amateur read is this is all about the chips. Billionaire backing: for the chips. Elon space: for the chips. Canada and Greenland threats: for the chips, playing the odds re what’s under the ice. Ukraine slam: for the chips, and, sure, Daddy Putin.

Chips chips chips. The game moving forward is chips.

Now I’m craving Salt & Vinegar.

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

for the chips

No, I think he’s actually drinking his own kool-aid.

This is what worries me. Historically, most dictators have information space problems but are at least self-aware.

…Trump is not. He makes irrational, self destructive moves like he actually believes this stuff.

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 8 points 2 days ago

How about this for a deal? Countries keep their shit out of other countries where they're not welcome?

[–] d33pblu3g3n3@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Trump is a terrorist set on trying to dismantle every Western democratic country.

We need to show him how terrorists must be dealt with.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Trump's doing Perot style Reform Politics from the White House. This isn't terrorism, its venture capitalism. Downsizing, zero-based budgeting, outside contracting, looting the cash reserves, juicing profits with scams - straight out of the Musk playbook from when he took over Twitter. Its how every Bain Capital buyout shakes down.

We need to show him how terrorists must be dealt with.

[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

This is probably inevitable, you know.

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 3 points 2 days ago

that's a good one ! Pétain would be proud

[–] LMurch@thelemmy.club 1 points 2 days ago

I understand the reference 🤣