this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 5 points 10 hours ago

Remember kids: you're supposed to shit on the toilet, not on the water cooler.

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 43 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Sus. If there was a security camera they would have checked that first.

Keep your head down anon, it is a bluff.

Also, stop putting shit in drinking water you sick fuck.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 18 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

Poop has DNA from the depositor.

I highly doubt they're going to pay for a DNA test...

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 13 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Can your employer compel you to provide a DNA sample?

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 13 points 16 hours ago

Don’t know but this is probably a crime. So a cop can.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

"What is this, wolf hair?"

1000025099

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago

Inconclusive inconclusive

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 84 points 1 day ago (2 children)

When corporations put fecal matter in the water supply, that’s just the will of the free market and the natural order of things. When you do it, however, all of a sudden it’s “endangerment of life”. Double standard much?

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 24 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

The first two rules of breaking the law without consequences:

  1. Be rich
  2. Don’t be poor
[–] napkin2020@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago

Try taking legal actions with them and millions of people would argue how you're killing corporates and let commies take over.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 84 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Potentially taking legal action?

[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 64 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’d definitely be pressing for criminal charges in that situation!

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Abnorc@lemm.ee 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Putting something full of dangerous bacteria in the water supply isn’t just a prank. If someone put some food safe additive in there to make the water taste or smell bad it’d be less of an issue. (Still a jerk move, debatably.)

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee -4 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Lemmy and recognizing when some is joking, a great "what if"

[–] JonnyRobbie@lemm.ee 4 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 0 points 14 hours ago

Someone is joking in greentext of all places and they took it seriously lol.

[–] OlPatchy2Eyes@slrpnk.net 0 points 11 hours ago

The threadiverse's median reading level is about 5th grade

[–] lka1988@sh.itjust.works 88 points 1 day ago
[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 63 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Remember kids, when doing a crime, check your surroundings first

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 47 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or don't. These kinds of people should be caught. Ideally, they should be made an example of. Not just punitive justice, but frightening, deterring justice.

Exactly. People need to learn to check their surroundings first, and those that don't should be made an example of.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

May i give you a shit pebble in these trying times?