this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it's huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.

like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I'd honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?

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[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can you please write a review on Google or something? I would love to know how you would rate the Pelican's performance in your upcoming battle.

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

does the pelican have a business where i can leave such a review?

[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Maybe that one?

Edit: They promise this on their website : "We deliver award-winning customer service by empowering our people to recognise the needs of our customers".

[–] chillinit@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It's basically the rules of a knife fight: The primary goal is to control the weapon, in this case the talons. Both of you are definitely going to get fucked up if you try.

The bird's on the boardwalk for food. The most aggressive thing it's likely to do is to steal your food.

[–] _haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

They could scratch you up for sure, maybe poke an eye, but they're more likely to avoid to than attack unless they're guarding a nest or something. If they come at you, take off your jacket, an umbrella, or grab a tarp or something and open it up to catch their beak/claws and probably scare them away too.

If you happen to have something like an air horn, that would also probably scare them off.

[–] Stamau123@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Pelicans have hollow bones. You'd be able to easily break it in half if there was a real fight.

[–] unknown1234_5@kbin.earth 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

probably not going to attack you, but if it does you should be ok because you are bigger and stronger

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

that's why I asked how badly it would fuck me up, not whether I would win or lose.

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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I don't know if he'd fuck you per se. But he might make sweet sweet love to you

Cue the Barry manilow

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