This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/crushercolins on 2023-09-03 12:59:43.
We moved to another country than where we're from 5 years ago. Both countries celebrate father's Day on different dates.
The first year we lived here, we celebrated father's Day on the date of the country we're from. It was a total surprise for my husband as he wasn't aware that it was father's Day there.
The next year onwards (except this year), we've celebrated it on both dates. I've said multiple times that this should stop as it's unfair (he gets two, I get one), it's a lot of work for me, and he's always disappointed with whatever we do. So this year we agreed to only do it on the date of the country we live in.
This year I made an enormous effort for the date in the country we live in, the kids did too, and I spent a lot of money on it (over €300). Unrelated, but I wanted to go overboard with his birthday too, to "soften the blow" of dropping to one father's Day, so for his birthday which is a few months later (and he usually expects a birthday month) I seriously pulled out all stops: baking his favourite dishes, over €400 on presents, cards, you name it.
Yesterday, knowing that it's father's Day in the country we're from, I decided to break a rule and pick up a present for him. I told him as I needed the address, and without going into details he said I wouldn't be able to. So we agreed that he would, so when we were in town, I took the kids and he picked it up.
Now that today is father's Day in the country we're from, I didn't wish him father's Day straight away, he said "why do I have to remind you?!", I straight away said it, and asked if I could make him breakfast, and what did he want to do today, then reminded him we agreed we wouldn't celebrate it. He's gone ballistic, sulking, not talking to me...
I tried to explain from my perspective. He cut me off. I wrote down what we'd agreed upon and what happened, he refused to read it and tried to rip it up.
He has now messaged me saying it needs to be celebrated twice a year, zero discussion. My opinion doesn't matter according to him as I work full time and he's a stay at home dad (school aged children).
Not sure if relevant, but in regards to getting his own time, he doesn't work when the kids are at school, he takes care of the home. He also gets weekends away with friends, usually about once every few months. I have done that once in five years. He's done it countless times.
How do I deal with this?
To be honest, more interested in guidance and tips rather than YTA/NTA