This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Significant_Big2167 on 2023-09-03 11:38:04.
My sister (29f) and I (27f) were super close until 3 years ago. This was around the time she moved in with her fiancée Martha (30f). They spent the entirety of lockdown at Martha's family estate and something about my sister changed in that time. She became less considerate of what people can and can't afford and generally became much more obsessed with making everything big and expensive. Her wedding is no exception.
She is getting married at some really fancy resort because her future FIL knows the owner. They are setting a specific dress code, an expensive one, because of the rules of said resort. Anyone who can't afford to stay there would need to make a 30-40 minute drive to get cheaper accommodation. There are even more details that I can't even wrap my brain around yet. The dress code was where I really started to understand it might not be feasible for my family. There's my husband, two kids and I. We don't wear designer stuff or couture so we have nothing to pull from and looking at prices, it's a lot, plus money for gas to drive, plus money for accommodation.
I brought this up to my sister the first time she painted the picture of the wedding. She told me we could drive down with her and her fiancée and I pointed out we would need to be able to drive to a cheaper hotel or something. She said we could get a 2% discount on staying there since I'm her family. She also expressed that there are sales on a couple of sites where we could get clothes. It would still be expensive but she feels like a few hundred dollars off overall will make a difference. I asked her if we could reasonably dress nice within our budget and still get in and she said she wasn't entirely sure and we were better off playing it safe.
My husband and I sat and did the finances and we realized it was just a lot for us. We're not wealthy. We have two kids to think about and a household to keep afloat. We talked about just me going but my sister really wants our kids there. My parents mentioned that they were looking at a loan to afford everything themselves and that's just two of them.
Ultimately, I decided it wasn't worth all the stress and financial strain it would cause us and I told my sister we would not be able to attend. I told her I love her and would like to celebrate her marriage but the wedding is not something we could afford. She brought up the fact she was able to help me with some discounts. I told her it was not enough realistically.
My sister said I should try harder to be there as her sister and I could ask for more help if I need it.
AITA?