First rule of living with constantly upset stomach: before ever trying to fart, go sit on the toilet. Preferably with pants off.
this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
472 points (96.1% liked)
Greentext
4309 readers
760 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
After I got my gallbladder out the nurse in the post op room told me that I should take a laxitive because they didn't want me straining to poop.
Well let me tell you what you definitely don't need immediately after getting you gallbladder out or for the next several months, if you guessed a laxitive then you'd be 110% correct. Holy shit it was bad. I didn't even take the full dose. Just one fucking pill and I couldn't so much a sneak a squeak for the next 12 hour without completely spray painting something. My gut is thankfully back to normal now nearly a year later but I still can't bring myself to trust my farts. I've never so much as had a close call since then but I just can't bring myself to trusting my ass. It burned that bridge.
interesting. After my gallbladder removal, I didn't have any trouble.
The only thing they said to me was "you'll notice it if you eat anything super fatty"
I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world. I'm not going to let something as minor as some cataclysmic gastric distress get between me and my processed milk fat.
Joking aside my shits were apocalyptic for like a month after I got my gallbladder out regardless of what I ate. But my body is used to a very fat heavy diet and the doc told me my gall bladder looked like it had been fucked up for a while. So my body was probably overcompensating a bit on the bile.
I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world.
The French: are you living next to us?
Wait what?
When I eat anything fatty. Like sausages. I shit my guts out. Is my gallbladder fucked?
Most things are fine e.g. a steak or olive oil. But not fatty meats and melted chess and some other dairy
Could also be food intolerance for some ingretient.
The gallbladder itself isn't super neccesary, as it only stores some extra bile in case more is needed. The bile itself is produced by the liver. That's why you will notice its absence when you eat something very fatty (bile is used to break down fats).
Could be worth talking to a doc about. Checking your gallbladder for abnormalities is probably not much more than an ultrasound
i stopped eating grains and nightshades, that did the trick. yeah, you need to change something.
Not gallbladder but my recent surgery they put me on a bunch of laxatives and softeners after, also for straining reasons. It took me five days before I pooped and it was an absolute landslide. I remember being super drugged, exclaiming to whoever was near me "I just had the riskiest fart in the world I need to get to the bathroom right now"
when i was in icu after a majour accident, they gave me a laxatative a couple of times. its was incredibly painfull in a shit related way. your insides feel like you ingested a bucket of tabasco sauce.
and try shitting when lying prone in bed.
the whole thing is so traumatic that all shame is out the window when they have to clean you up afterward. i mean, i had like a bedpan, but that thing would overflow and what not.
AND i was in pain because of the accident. i pooped midday, slept till evening to eat something, slept till next morning, it was this exhausting.
I call those the safety farts.
Ive reached an age where I simply cannot trust a fart. I can be 99% sure its a fart, but Ill still hold it until I get to a dunny and play the porcelain tuba.
I'm regularly surprised by how many people manage to shit themselves, and how it's common enough that people have a casual laugh over their "shat myself" stories. I feel left out. I laughed so hard I peed myself once when I was 5?
I have IBS, and while I've had many close calls I can proudly say that I've never shit myself. As someone that's basically a flight risk for accidental pooping, as well as having heard these stories before in-person, I often wonder if more people have stomach/bowel problems than they'd like to let on.
you've jynxed yourself and i kind of hope you shit yourself now just so i can say "shouldn't have shitposted about it" in response.
this might be my most elaborate shitpost yet.
i left work right after clocking in because a fart felt like pushing out more than just air. so embarassing
I sneezed and shat myself the other month, maybe you're young or maybe you've got a good bowel sytem.
I coughed, burped, and sharted simultaneously a while back. It was disorienting and I felt violated
If you time it right you can hit the ceiling with those
and how it’s common enough that people have a casual laugh over their “shat myself” stories
That's how we deal with the trauma.
Never trust a fart.
So say keto dieters
Clearly you're all blocked up. You should eat more fiber.
OP has a gaping asshole.
Drink way too much cheap liquor and you too can have the opportunity to shit yourself the next day.
I was almost at work when I sharted.
Thought, well, "oh shit" lol. But I was like "OK, get to work, immediately to toilet and alls good."
My desks in a corner and none of my team were in that day. Can't get rid of the smell totally but it won't be terrible and I'd be well away from everyone else.
Then I have to go upstairs and spend the day in the very small secure room. Obviously the super cute girl I have a crush on is also working in there that day.
That would have been a good time to go full commando.
I hate myself for wanting to know how the interview went
shitty
But did they get the job?
It's not the jeans that are cursed...
Dude accidentally bought the +2 Jeans of Cure Constipation
dont eat stuff that makes you fart to much or lets you have stomach aches. its stupid.
Is everyone in this comment section on a fiber only diet?
a curse upon my anoose
lmao
I get really upset stomach when I travel. And I have a 6 hour train journey just today. Is the universe trying to tell me something?
It's telling you, "bring an extra pair of pants."
Brown ones.
Drink peppermint tea.
Why is it always the shitting anonself greentexts that get me?
Consistent loss of bowel control is a medical emergency. Think nerve damage