this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, "Yeah all the time." I can't tell if it's sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we've heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

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[–] YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 4 months ago (18 children)

Most teens don't want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I've had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.

[–] arin@lemmy.world 18 points 4 months ago (7 children)

I've seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol

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[–] x00z@lemmy.world 27 points 4 months ago (2 children)

When your children start ordering packages, don't open them and you'll never have to worry about this.

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[–] umbrella@lemmy.ml 24 points 4 months ago (11 children)

to be fair the examples youve given for men are niche sorta fetishes too.

not many people are going around fucking cookie dough either.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You have misunderstood "ookie cookie."

Aka "Soggy Biscuit," and "Scum Cookie" if you like the band Skinless lmao.

Also tbf I'm like 90% sure it's a myth or reserved for old frat hazing rituals.

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[–] BuddyTheBeefalo@lemmy.ml 24 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (14 children)
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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 20 points 4 months ago (6 children)

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

That'd make you the coolest dad ever.

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 20 points 4 months ago (2 children)

That kid just learned a valuable lesson about washing things off when you're done using them. Especially food. Fucking gross lol

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Maybe just throw the cucumber out if you use it that way

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[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago

Got a bit freaky with a friend once. I used the cucumber on her. We both ate it after. Don't leave that shit for other people to eat. As long as they have common sense, you should be fine.

[–] LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No this is not normal... it's not sanitary for one and nobody wants yeast infections. It also doesn't really have a suitable structure for that, and the outside rind... I mean I cannot imagine that feels nice. It's a meme more than anything like I know people are out there with food fetish and it definitely has been done by someone before but no this is very uncommon lol.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 months ago (4 children)

you put a condom on it to solve most of that

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[–] SlothMama@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

It happens yes, but I stopped because I understood that insects / mold / organisms grow on fruit and vegetables, so I think of it as gross now, but it beat a hairbrush handle.

[–] weariedfae@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This is the modem equivalent format for an ancient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin's friend.

Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This is the modem equivalent

Nice keming

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[–] Maggoty@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

Teenagers do stupid shit. So while it's not something everyone does, it absolutely happens. No it's not something anyone should seriously try. You cannot effectively clean a vegetable and it can break, requiring embarrassing medical attention.

And yes, one of the reasons for an allowance is because teenagers need some agency and privacy to become normal healthy adults. If they want to explore their sexuality alone it's perfectly natural.

[–] Forester@yiffit.net 11 points 4 months ago
[–] gregor@gregtech.eu 11 points 4 months ago

This post has Lemmy front page energy

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (8 children)

OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question

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