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I used to be an incel, but probably not in the way you'd think. I mean it in the original use of the term, that is, I was a queer kid in a small town and there was not a single person in town I was attracted to who was also attracted to me.
I moved to a big city, and things got a bit better but I still had issues in meeting new people with meaningful connections. I expected to just stumble upon the perfect partner that loved me exactly as I was, even though I hated myself.
It wasn't until someone basically slapped me in the face with the question, "Well, would you want to date YOU?" that it started to make sense. I was spending so much time looking for "the perfect partner" that I forgot to work on myself to become the perfect partner FOR that perfect partner. Once I stopped "looking" for them and instead started working on making myself a better person that things started falling into place.
The only person you have to live with your entire life is yourself, so make sure you love yourself first and people will be attracted to that. No one wants to be with someone who hates themselves and everyone around them.
Well stated. I had a blind date with a partner that was perfect on paper and overnight realized I did not present the way I wanted needed to for that opportunity. I immediately started dieting. After I got into the healthy BMI range I immediately noticed that people started treating me differently and I had significantly more opportunities. It's hard to accept that the problem might be you, but that's the path out.