Good to hear you’re better, but it seems weird that your symptoms weren’t caught earlier. Even a very simple questionnaire like the MADRS has explicit sadness as only one dimension. You would have been asked for lack of initiative/procrastination, stress/anxiety and negative self-talk. Sounds like someone didn’t do their job properly (unless you hid your symptoms from your family doctor or didn’t go, of course).

[–] curiosityLynx@kglitch.social 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

For a long time I (and people around me) just believed I must have become a lazy person and that I just needed to get over myself. The idea that I might be ill didn't even come up. When I struggled to write my bachelor's thesis I did visit an insurance-approved psychologist, but all that guy did was trying to find ways I could motivate myself, with no attempt to find out what was causing me to struggle in the first place rather than just reinforce my perception that I must just be lazy. After a couple of months I stopped going because all those visits did was making me feel worse. Also, because I chose to go to a psychologist directly rather than being delegated there by a doctor/psychiatrist, insurance only covered half of the cost, so it was a waste of money as well.

Really the first idea that it might be a mental illness rather than a personality flaw and being a general failure of a person didn't come up at all until I read a book in which I saw a lot of myself in the protagonist's mother who was said in the book to have depression. That same week I had my second bout of suicidal ideation, which drove me to get help asap.