Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
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1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
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Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
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Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
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Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
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As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
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For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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After kids are in school. They're expecting full support during the whole first years of kids.
So, you're thinking 5 years before school, plus another year of pregnancy, and you said "kids" plural, so add another two years between them, and you're not married yet. That's like 10 years before your partner gets a job, and you're paying for everything?
Yeah, that's what it's looking like they want.
Is that what you want? Is that what you discussed or envisioned together? A breadwinner and a homemaker? Because that can work if it's what you both want, but there are several reasons that arrangement has fallen out of vogue. It creates an imbalance of power and an uneven distribution of labor. It can foster resentment when neither individual fully understands the struggles of the other. You think you're doing more than your fair share all day at work, and resent the money they spend. Meanwhile, they spend all day keeping up the house and raising children, and you come home and leave some dirty dishes in the sink or your boots on the floor, and they think you don't respect or appreciate the things they do.
As in all things, communication is the key to a happy relationship. Talk about your desires and concerns, talk about what you want from the relationship and from your life. Can you afford to live on a single income? Do you want to sacrifice family time to earn a living? Being responsible for a single income family means you'll need to put work first a lot, or risk letting everyone down. Is that what they want?
Not at first. This is fairly recent. She already gets snippy about me not helping that much around the house. I do help but I'm not taking on half of the work.
Ok, well, best of luck. Therapy is always a good idea, and couples therapy might be worth the discomfort of getting to couples therapy.
Thank you :)
Do you currently have kids together? What is the timeline for these things? Its a lot of time to have two people living off of a single income especially if you two aren't married yet
Not currently. But as soon as we get married.
If you are having doubts about marriage be careful about having kids right away. Once you have kids you are locked with that person forever. If they aren't fully pulling their weight now having kids won't make that any easier. These are serious issues that need to be considered before getting married and having kids. Wedding and then having children is a huge financial, mental and physical burden.
How does the work load work currently for wedding planning? How about the workload for pregnancy and child rearing? Have you talked about it or are you assuming it based on gender roles? These are all important decisions to make together as a team. If they can't finish school or even work its difficult to see them doing their fair share or if they aren't working doing more than their fair share of domestic labor. (Which is real difficult labor and should be counted as such as a couple)