this post was submitted on 05 May 2024
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Men's Liberation

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About the bear... (lemmy.sdf.org)
submitted 6 months ago by pmk@lemmy.sdf.org to c/mensliberation@lemmy.ca
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So, I'm just assuming we've all seen the discussions about the bear.
Personally I feel that this is an opportunity for everyone to stop and think a little about it. The knee-jerk reaction from many men seems to be something along the lines of "You would choose a dangerous animal over me? That makes me feel bad about myself." which results in endless comments of the "Akchully... according to Bayes theorem you are much more likely to..." kind.
It should be clear by now that it doesn't lead to good places.
Maybe, and I'm open to being wrong, but maybe the real message is women saying: "We are scared of unknown men."
Then, if that is the message intended, what do we do next? Maybe the best thing is just to listen. To ask questions. What have you experienced to make you feel that way?
I firmly believe that the empathy we give lays a foundation for other people being willing to have empathy for the things we try to communicate.
It doesn't mean we should feel bad about ourselves, but just to recognize that someone is trying to say something, and it's not a technical discussion about bears.
What do you think?

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[–] gap_betweenus@lemmy.world 17 points 6 months ago (1 children)

“If I was given a choice to be stranded in the woods with either a bear or a woman, I would choose the bear, because the bear wouldn’t accuse me of raping it if I ignored it.”

Seem like you are actually in a place to understand from your own experience what women are trying to communicate with that whole bear thing. Next step would be to try to have an empathic connection instead of a defensive one. The anger and frustration are not directed at you as an individual but are an expression of experiences, those nuances are often lost in online, non personal communication. What helps is to have more personal communication, better in an offline environment.

[–] Akisamb@programming.dev 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

I also have a similar experience, I was mugged at knife point and spit on by two adolescents. After that I was jumpy around groups of teens.

That said , I do not think my fear of teens was rational, neither was it healthy. Only a small minority of teens will mug people. Fearing a whole group for the actions of the few is in human nature, but it is something we must fight against.

I mean what is the end goal if women are in fear of men ? You can probably reduce violent crime even more, but it remains a rare event. Only 31 out of 1000 people were victims of a violent crime in the UK in 2010. If that doesn't work, what remains? Sex segregation ?

[–] gap_betweenus@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

So you think it will help to just tell folks to not be afraid? How did you overcame your fear? What if similar experiences happened to your and your friends more than once?

On personal level, in my experience it's best to validate someones emotions and then help them work through them if they wish so and are ready. On societal level it's another question on how to teach people more empathy and to respect for others - and at least in my opinion we already came quite a way.