Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
I’ve been struggling my entire life with focus, completing things, remembering basic shit, etc (I can go more in depth if needed) but I am frustrated DAILY with myself. Did you see a psychiatrist? If so, did they specializes in adhd or manic depression or just a normal psychiatrist? Not sure where tonstart and if it’s even worth me going. I’m always paranoid about if I’m being a hypochondriac and not wanting to waste the doctor’s/medical staff’s time. Sorry for the dumb question. I’ve never brought this stuff up with my primary care because it seems…normal? Idk how to explain exactly how I feel.
I saw someone in another thread on ADHD say there is a test you can take to give you at least a basic idea. Of course we all exhibit a lot of neurodivergent characteristics because we're human and "normal"s a social construct, but it could be a start!