this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn't sit well with me, especially since I've been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.

I've always been quite critical of myself and don't consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn't enjoy being around me, I don't blame them one bit. It's not like I'm intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don't conform to many social norms expected of me.

Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can't help but wonder why they don't see me as I see myself. I worry that I'm hiding the true me so well that people don't actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn't be second-guessing themselves in this manner.

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[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 8 months ago

I feel like it might be better to think about whether your specific words and actions are manipulative than whether you're a psychopath or what your identity is in general. Is that person justified in feeling gaslit? Are you in fact manipulating people or not? That's a question that can be looked at more objectively.