memes

So like a year and a half ago, I'm out crusing around with friends, we stop at a travel-stop type of fuel station to hit the bathroom and get snacks. As I'm finishing up in the bathroom I start grabbing tp, as you do, and the mother fucking case around the tp just yeets itself onto my arm, and I am so confused I start laughing like a maniac. I'm disabled (one arm functioning, among other issues) so as I start trying to hold the thing with my arm so it doesn't fall and make a shitload of noise, while also trying to sort of hump it into place with my leg so it will catch enough for me to let go of it, get up into a better position, and evaluate the situation. And the whole time I'm trying to not laugh - like wtf how does this even happen - but I'm not alone in this bathroom, I have a fucking plastic tp cover thing laying against my arm effectively pinning me in place, this is a stupid situation like wtf and I just can't, I can't contain my "this shit can only happen to me" laughter.

So I'm sounding like a damn mental patient, my friends can likely hear me through the door outside (and probably the rest of the damn store), I'm crying in stupidity and frustration, and now I can't see the case I'm still trying to hump up back into place... This shit went on for like 90 seconds. I'd get some progress just to move the smallest amount and it falls back down, I catch it, repeat... and once I get the two pieces close to clasping, I now have to jiggle my arm up the side to not lose grip and get my arm up to the top to hold it, letting me finally use my knee to jam it in place enough so it doesn't fall. I compose myself, finish up, and take a picture of this thing, send it to my friend so I can explain once I get back in the car, as I snap the photo I fucking lose it again, and once more I'm bellowing at the idiocy of this; and as I try and properly latch this cover back in place so that the next guy doesn't experience their own confused chaotic minute on the shitter (unsuccessfully; I got it to where it was when I walked in), I walk out, make it to the parking lot, see my friends are waiting, and I don't even make it to the car before I start to laugh my ass off again, hobbling with my cane and looking like I forgot my medication.

Telling this story once I was in the car was even worse, as I'm still laughing through basically the whole story but, oddly enough, you need to breathe every now and then, so I'm literally dizzy from lack of oxygen as I try and tell this story while not passing out, at 6 words a minute separated by laughter, crying, and my friends going "wait what?" which just exacerbates the situation.

And now, typing this on my own shitter at home, I have relived that bellowing laughter.