What's happening with everyone? Please share whatever you feel like sharing - and thank you for being a part of this community :)
this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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ADHD Women
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I'm trying not to stay up late each night and failing. It just feels like there's no other time to do literally everything. The rest of the day I drift around feeling sleepy and unmotivated and like clockwork around 10pm I wake up and want to do things. I set an alarm for myself to remind me when to get ready for bed and tonight when it went off I wanted to cry. I feel like I'm wasting all of the time I'm "allowed" to be awake feeling shitty and all the time I actually feel awake being guilted for it and suffering for it later.
Oh. I wish I could hug you. I feel this deeply in my soul. I also wish I had answers to make it magically better. I unfortunately don't. I completely understand this feeling as this has been an ongoing struggle for myself as well. I hope that you know that there are resources out there. Therapy, meds, community. Maybe only one of these will help may e it will take all three. And I wish I could say that if you start one or all of these it's gets better immediately but I have been on a journey of all three for what feels like ages now with less success than I hoped.
But you are not alone. Things can get better. And I think that it is very important to remember that it is okay to cry. It's okay to give yourself permission to be upset, to feel frustrated and it's okay to waste time. I know that this doesn't necessarily help and it's incredibly hard to find the balance between pushing yourself so you feel like your time is spent how you want it to and allowing yourself to not feel the guilt for "wasting" it.
You are not alone in your feelings and they are valid.
Thank you for this. Meds aren't an option at the moment, but I might be able to find new help in the others. There have been periods in my life where I've been able to just live on my own schedule and this is not one of them. There's an element of grief here, and a feeling of loss. It chafes because I have a sense of how things are "supposed" to be and how my normal feels. I know my husband thinks I'm being stubborn or defeatist for not trying harder. There are a lot of "why don't you justs" from others and myself and I keep thinking "well yeah and if I was a bird I could fly".
I know it's not hopeless, there's caffeine and naps and even if I feel tired and unmotivated things are still (slowly) getting done. I just would hate to be stuck with this as my life now.